Relationships are often complicated, and this was one such example.
A user took to the forum to ask, “Am I wrong for telling my husband my daughter doesn’t have to accommodate his needs?”
We want to know what you think. Here is the backstory:
Backstory:
The original poster’s (OP) daughter is in 2nd year of college, and although she lives in the dorm, she comes home during the final to study in peace.
OP’s husband, who is not her biological dad, has changed jobs and works from home full-time. The OP goes to the office daily, so they are both in the house alone.
What Does OP Say
The OP says, “They’ve always gotten along fairly well. There’s respect, understanding, and trust on each other’s part. I don’t know if there’s love, but I can’t push it.
Husband met daughter too late to represent a father figure for her, and she never saw him like that, so he didn’t push it.”
Related: Sister Made Homemade Food For Everyone Except Her Brother’s Stepdaughter. We Think She Is Justified.
Why Did The Daughter Start To Have A Problem?
OP’s daughter complained that the husband is asking her to do his work and disregarding the fact that she is studying.
“She would stay in her room to study, and at some point, her husband would knock saying, “Hey, I just had lunch. Could you please clean up the table? I’m starting a meeting.” Or “I spilled some water; mind wiping it? I gotta focus on work!”
She told me she feels he doesn’t care about her learning time, and he doesn’t acknowledge that she is also working. She told me she wouldn’t have minded if it was a one-time occurrence, but it has become a habit of his.” said the OP.
What Happened When OP Confronted Him?
The OP asked the daughter not to clean up and caught him red-handed the next time he asked. When she came home to the dirty table and asked her husband about it, he said, “Well, [Daughter] should’ve cleaned it up!”
Daughter Clarified
The daughter clarified that she didn’t even have lunch that day, and they don’t always eat at the same time. She didn’t have the time to clean up.
What Did OP Do
The OP jumped at the husband and told him the daughter had exams and came here to learn, not clean up after him. On this, the husband defended himself by saying he had an urgent meeting.
OP Told Him Things
The OP told him he could have cleaned up afterward, and it’s a daily occurrence. OP’s husband signed and said it’s not a big deal for my daughter to spare a couple minutes to quickly put the dishes in the dishwasher.
The daughter asked that if he thought it could be done so quickly, why didn’t he do it?
What Happened Next
The OP had to break the fight and decided everyone would clean up after themselves. Later, OP’s husband told her privately that he felt like she humiliated him in front of her daughter.
OP responded, saying he should grow up and stop acting like the daughter will pick up after his mess. He got upset.
What Others Think
“Wow not a jerk your husband is being very sexist and entitled. Why should your daughter clean up HIS mess. That’s crazy!!”
He Should Do It
“Your husband is an adult and can do these things himself. I assume your daughter does them for herself? When your daughter isn’t home, what does he do? Bet he cleans up after himself then, right?”
He Is A Sexist
“That he couldn’t be bothered to do those things since there is a woman in lower social standing present (in his mind) that can be put to work and ordered to clean up after him – like a servant. And that her studying is unimportant compared to his precious work. Especially that bid about her cleaning up his spilled water (water!) sounds like some weird move to establish dominance over her or something.
There needs to be some serious talk about how he views women and that the only person that humiliated him is himself for acting like an entitled toddler.”
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