Parenting is more than just nurturing and caring for a child. It also involves setting expectations for them and encouraging them to strive for success while allowing them to make their own choices and mistakes.
A user asked, “Am I wrong for telling my daughter to give up on her dreams?” We want to know what you think. Here is the entire story:
Backstory:
The Original Poster (OP) is a doctor who graduated from one of the top medical schools in the country. Because of this, OP claims to know what it takes to make it as a doctor.
What About The Daughters
OP’s eldest daughter is also on a medical track: she goes to a top 20 school and excels. She is a junior and will probably attend one of the best med schools next year.
However, OP says that her youngest daughter is not like them.
What About Her
Math and science come more naturally for the eldest daughter and OP. OP says, “it’s not something we need to work hard at. My youngest daughter, however, really struggles with these topics.
In college, she has to study for her STEM classes for hours and hours to get the average grade at a school that’s not very difficult.”
OP admits that her youngest daughter is a VERY hard worker but adds that hard work cannot become a doctor.
What Does OP Say
In OP’s words, “that hard work could be placed to a field that she can excel in instead of being a doctor; she will always struggle in med school, but she can take her talents elsewhere and become an amazing law or business major.”
What Happened Next?
OP’s youngest called her yesterday and told her she had trouble getting accepted with an internship and asked if she could work with OP this summer.
What Did The Mother Ask
OP told her that she should reconsider the medical profession because she spends all day studying and is barely average. OP doesn’t think she can succeed as a doctor. However, OP reassured her that it was okay and she could find something else to shine in. OP ended the call with, “I love you.”
After this, OP’s eldest daughter, ex-husband, mother, and siblings have been spamming her and telling me to apologize. OP’s youngest won’t even pick up the phone.
What Does She Say
OP says, “I understand that her feelings may have been hurt, and while that’s valid, I think tough love will help her in the future. For example, it may have hurt her feelings when she was younger because I wouldn’t let her eat cookies for dinner. Still, as a parent, you must protect your children, even when it hurts them in the short term.”
What Others Think
“Sounds like you’re holding her against a standard set by yourself and the golden child. As a struggling student who is the younger brother of a prodigy, this kind of stuff really bad for her. She’s a hard worker which is what counts, and if she really can’t succeed in this field she needs to figure it out for herself. She’s not going to accept that just because you think it. I would be supportive of her while she figures out what’s she doing in this part of her life”.
As a Mother, You Should Support
“As a mother you should support your children regardless of the difficulties they are faced with. Who’s to say she won’t reach the same goal but just face some more obstacles? Apologize and try to be a better person going forward”.
SO What?
“I don’t really understand your problem here. So she struggles? oh. ok. lots of people do. but here you have a kid who is so damned hard-working and determined that she’s doing it. why are you acting like you’re ashamed of her?
why are you getting in her way instead of helping her achieve her goals? TAKE. YOUR. DAUGHTER. TO. WORK.”
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