Not every decision should be taken by the mind. Sometimes, one has to rely on their instinct and see if their consciousness allows them to say yes or no!
An internet user asked, “Will I be the jerk If I don’t change my son’s name even though it may cause him to lose an inheritance?”. Here’s the full story for your context.
Backstory
The Original Poster, OP (24) got pregnant while she was taking a gap year traveling. OP met an older guy, nothing gross, she was 19 he was 23. They had fun. OP was working in a bar to make money while she explored his city.
“When I got pregnant, he lost interest really quickly. I understood I am pro-choice and I chose not to terminate.”, says OP.
When OP Went Home
OP went home and had her son. OP also made sure to get child support. His dad could afford it. He did fight it though. OP had to prove paternity and everything.
Through that, his parents found out. They are well off. They have met OP’s son and they truly do seem to love him.
What Does OP Say
“They have provided gifts for his birthday and Christmas. They helped me with extra money so I could complete my university without going into debt. They have taken us on vacation with them so they could spend time with him. They aren’t my biggest fans but we are cordial to each other.”, says OP.
Three Months Ago
Three months ago, OP’s son’s father passed away. He got drunk at his bachelor party, tripped on the sidewalk, and hit his head. This is all she wrote.
OP and her son attended the funeral. They spent a week in that city so his grandparents could see him.
The Grandparents’ Offer
They approached OP with an offer. They had no other children or grandchildren. Their son was only 28 so he had lots of time to provide them legitimate kids (they did not say this OP is just assuming) so they never thought about OP’s son’s name.
They said that if OP changed his surname to theirs legally, they would make him their primary heir.
“I think this is dumb. He is their only grandchild and they would deny him an inheritance because of his last name?”, says OP.
OP’s Decision
OP said she would consider it to be polite, and left it at that. OP actually has a pretty good life as it is. OP’s family has been very supportive and because of the whole court thing, OP’s son’s father had to have life insurance with him as the beneficiary.
“Would it be nice for my kid to get a big sum of money? Yes. Do I want him to have the surname of a man who didn’t want him, see him, or love him? No.”, says OP.
OP’s Family’s Point Of View
OP has been talking to her family about it and a few of them think she’s being a jerk for giving up this kind of money for his son. It is generational wealth and OP is making the decision based on emotion. I think they are jerks for thinking money is the only thing that matters.
“I think I will tell my son’s grandparents that they can talk to him about it when he is 16. He will be old enough to understand the implications but young enough not to be tied professionally to his last name.”, says OP.
Now OP wants to know if this is the right way to deal with this situation or is she a jerk for denying all the money because of a last name?
He’s Not Likely To Forgive You
“He’s not likely to forgive you when he finds out what he’s missed out on and that too just for a surname. Yeah, his dad didn’t want him, but his grandparents wanted to involve him as a primary heir. This is a grand move on their part and could change your son’s life.”
The Grandparents Are The Real Jerks
“Not the jerk. They are the jerks for tying money to a name. If they want him to have it they should give it to them regardless of the last name.”
You Could’ve Proposed A Middle Way
“Not the jerk and I actually admire your choice, BUT I would propose a middle way by proposing a double name. They were good to you and helped you and your son out. They were there for him and you have a good bond with them. So this could be an easy solution.”
If I Were In His Place, I’d Be Furious
“I am going to say you’re the jerk. YOUR life might be good, but your son has a chance to be set up with a good amount of money. If I found out my parents refused to do something like this to me, and lost me a bunch of money…I would be furious.”
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