Family vacations are meant to be a time of relaxation, bonding, and creating cherished memories. However, sometimes unexpected situations can arise that leave us questioning our decisions.

A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for leaving a family vacation early because my husband and I were expected to sleep in different beds?”. We want to hear from you.

BACK STORY 

Family with kids eating Thanksgiving dinner. Roasted turkey and pumpkin pie on dining table with autumn decoration. Parents and children having festive meal. Father and mother cutting meat.
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For the Original Poster’s ( OP ) FIL’s (58M) birthday this year, her MIL (57 F) planned a week long trip with their four children (OP’s husband is the second-oldest) and their respective partners.

OP says that they rented out a nice house near the beach, and the cost of the Airbnb was split equally between the attending couples.

THEY ARE SHOCKED 

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OP’s husband (31M) and OP (29M) drove down there that week, and when they arrived in their preassigned room, they were surprised to find two single beds. 

WHAT DID OP DO

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At first, they shrugged it off and figured that they could push them against each other, but they quickly found out that the headboards of the beds were drilled into the wall. 

OP assumes it’s to prevent renters from moving the beds and possibly damaging the flooring etc. 

IT IS NOT A BIG DEAL 

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OP asked her MIL why she had chosen a house that didn’t have enough double beds to hold all of the couples that were invited, and she told OP to stop making a fuss because it wasn’t that big of a deal.

MIL WAS HARSH 

mother in law with couple fight
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OP then asked her MIL why she hadn’t mentioned it beforehand. She rolled her eyes at OP, saying that OP was being /over dramatic, a “walking stereotype,” and also added that OP not clinging to her son for a little while might be for the best.

OP says that considering that she has made some borderline homophobic comments in the past (OP’s MIL claims they’re jokes), OP was quite uncomfortable, and based on her remarks, OP felt like she had given the room with the single beds to the only gay couple on purpose.

MIL WALKED AWAY FROM THE CONVERSATION

couple regret on bed
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OP said that if it wasn’t that big of a deal, surely her MIL and FIL would be happy to switch rooms with them, but MIL once again told her that OP should quit making a fuss and walked away from the conversation.

Afterward, OP’s husband tried talking to his mother, but he wasn’t any more successful than OP had been and at this point, OP was reaching her breaking point, so OP asked her husband if he’d like to spend vacation at a hotel (as they had both taken the week off work anyway). 

He agreed, and they booked a room at a hotel a few towns away.

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? 

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OP’s MIL has accused them of ruining her husband’s birthday and dividing the family because two of OP’s husband’s siblings support their decision.

OP WAS BEING CALLED A JERK 

Young,Angry,Woman,Screaming,At,Boyfriend,Husband,Isolated,On,White
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OP’s in-laws and the last sibling have been texting and calling OP a jerk for turning her husband against their family and egotistically manipulating the vacation.

OP now wants to know if what happened was wrong.

SHE DID IT INTENTIONALLY 

Couple,In,Fight,,Woman,In,Focus.,Close,Up,Upset,Silent
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“Not a jerk, based on her behavior. From what you’ve said, it does sound like she intentionally gave “the gay couple” separate beds. You didn’t ruin the vacation. Her homophobia did.”

OP HANDLED HER SO WELL 

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“Not a jerk. If it was not a big thing, MIL could have taken the room herself. She did this on purpose. You handled her so well.”

SHE DISRESPECTED YOU 

Upset couple having an argument in the kitchen
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“Not a jerk. “(she told me) that me not clinging to her son for a little while might be for the best.” This woman is hostile towards you and homophobic.

A kind, sensitive person would make sure they DIDN’T give the gay couple the room with two single beds precisely because they wouldn’t want it to seem intentional.

You felt disrespected because she disrespected you. You don’t have to confront her about it, but you are entirely right to move. Anyone claiming that you ruined the vacation is conflict-averse and cowardly.

She committed the offense; you established a boundary. Establishing a reasonable boundary is not being dramatic or manipulative. Still, people without the guts to stand up to injustice will always act as if the person who does is the problem, not the actual person who did wrong. To hell with that.”

THEY SHOULD HAVE TRADED THE ROOM 

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“Not a jerk. If the last sibling thought it unimportant, they could have traded rooms with you. I note that they did not.”

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