Being child-free is a valid and personal choice, but it’s important to be mindful of how you communicate that to others. A netizen recently asked, Am I the jerk for telling my BIL it’s cringe to continue saying he’s child-free whenever I ask him to watch my son? Read on to know what people think.
Backstory:
OP’s wife (27) and OP (27) have a 4-year-old son, they’ve been having an incredibly busy work schedule for the last 2 years and the family’s been doing a great job helping out with their son.
InLaws Take Their Son When They’re Busy
They usually have members of OP’s inlaws take their son whenever OP and his wife have a work trip or a shift coming up. From OP’s wife’s mom to her sister to her dad, except for OP’s 31-year-old brother-in-law (wife’s brother).
What Did He Say
He’s made it clear he is just not interested in spending time with his nephew and keeps saying that the reason for that is that he’s actually “child-free”.
For so many emergencies, he has turned OP and his wife away when they begged him to watch their son and he didn’t even budge or apologize for his attitude.
What Happened A Couple Of Days Ago?
It all came to a head a couple of days ago; OP had a work meeting while his wife was out of town, and OP’s in-laws were attending a wedding so no one was free to watch their son except for OP’s BIL.
OP showed up at his place and told him he was desperate for help and needed him to watch his son for 2 hours. BIL refused and even suggested OP take him with him to work but that’s not a good suggestion.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “I begged him and he just said no. I had enough so I confronted him and asked why? Does he not like his nephew and he threw that “No it’s just that I’m child-free” excuse which made me lose it.”
What Did OP Tell Him?
OP told him to just stop because it’s cringe of him to keep saying that and use it as an excuse to be unsupportive of OP and his sister and cold towards his nephew.
OP told him he should really do better and stop being so negative but he got mad and said OP had no right to disrespect his lifestyle/choices but it’s the attitude that gets OP. They had an exchange of words where he said OP’s son isn’t his responsibility whatsoever then OP left.
What Next?
OP’s BIL complained to his in-laws and they “called OP out” for disrespecting their son and treating him like that.
OP says, “They insisted that he’s not responsible for my son and I shouldn’t expect so much from him then guilt him about it. They wanted me to apologize and my wife said I should but he was about as helpful and supportive as a rock, so I decided I will take my time before I consider apologizing. Am I the jerk?”
How Entitled Are You?
“You’re the jerk. For God’s sake, how entitled are you? Your BIL has been clear about who he is and what he won’t due, but because that’s not convenient to you, you feel you can disrespect him.
This is a failure of your organization. How can you guys not have a sitter? I am a single dad and never ended up in your situation, because I planned for it.”
Family Is Not Equal To Free Childcare
“Family ≠ free childcare. The entitlement here – because you had a child, your WHOLE FAMILY has to look after him, whether they want to or not?! What?
Pay for some childcare, damnit.”
Hire A Babysitter
“You’re the jerk. He has made it incredibly clear that he isn’t interested in being responsible for your child. I would wager he’s saying “That’s why I’m child-free” not saying “I won’t watch him because I’m child-free”, but that’s just a guess.
Hire a babysitter. He is not obligated to watch your child just because he’s family.”
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This article originally appeared on Mrs Daaku Studio.