A user asked, Will I be a jerk for uninviting a guest to my wedding because of her request?


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The Original Poster (OP) and their British fiance are getting married in the UK, and they’ve decided to invite an old friend of theirs from when they used to live in North America.

OP Followed Up

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When OP followed up on her RSVP, she told them that she had just moved to Dubai. She said that she is pretty busy with the move, juggling a baby, her new real estate brokerage (she has always been in real estate in North America), and planning a potential wedding a month before mine.

What Does OP Say

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OP says “I was a little taken aback that she didn’t inform me about her wedding either, but she said it was a smaller affair. So that’s fine I guess. She said she would then get back to me later on whether she was still planning to come to mine.”

What Happened A Few Days Later?

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A few days later, OP’s friend reached out to OP and said that her partner and baby, and herself should be able to come to their wedding in the UK. 

They also got to talking about her move to Dubai and she explained that she wanted to save on income tax, and inheritance tax which were the major factors for her move. She then said that UK citizens are the 2nd biggest investors for Dubai properties and then asked if she could do a presentation to sell Dubai properties.

How Did OP Feel

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OP was in denial about what she was asking. And clarified if she meant that she wanted to do a presentation at some real estate conference in London when she flies in for their wedding.

But she was actually asking for 5 minutes to do her presentation to THEIR GUESTS at THEIR WEDDING and said she would offer them a commission if anyone bought her Dubai apartments! 

OP was shocked at the time and didn’t know how to respond.

How Did OP Handle The Situation?

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OP says “My first reply to her was “I don’t think that would be appropriate. Maybe you can talk to a few people there who may be interested if you want”. After which, she said that she will need to make the trip in that case.

I also told her that my guests are not her target audience anyway, as the older British people are pensioners, and most of the younger people are still renting, or already have a big mortgage to pay off.

She Insisted

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She insisted that British people are top investors and apartments there are more affordable compared to London. Throughout the conversation, she was also spamming me with loads of videos about living in Dubai, a video of a British man buying from her, and about her properties for sale.

She then indicated on my wedding registry that she (and her partner) will give me £200 as a wedding gift (This was never sent yet and no transaction was made).”

What Happened Next?

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She continued to send lots of brochures and videos about the benefits of living in Dubai every couple of hours and OP repeatedly told her they were already settled in the UK and were not planning on moving.

After a day of processing the ridiculous request she had made, OP then sent her a text and told her not to even talk about this to any of their guests if she were to come, as they don’t want her harassing their other guests with her sales pitch during the wedding. She agreed and said she understood. 

What Happened Next

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She then immediately spoke about OP’s registry and asked if PayPal was okay to give their wedding gift.. (still no transaction made yet)

OP says “However, I still don’t feel comfortable with the fact that her initial objective was to sell apartments at my wedding and I really don’t want her coming now. The wedding is in 3 months and she’s missed the RSVP deadline and hasn’t RSVP’d yet. We haven’t spoken about it since. Hence, would I be a jerk if I told her definitely not to come anymore? I also feel really awkward and bad about straight up uninviting her.”

Well, You Have A Pretty Cool Excuse

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“Simply write the RSVP deadline has passed, and I’ve given my guest total to the venue. We can catch up another time, and delete the text exchange. It’ll most likely be the last interaction you two have.” said one.

“Couldn’t agree more, it’s what I came to say! Do this! They didn’t RSVP in time so that ship has sailed. Easy enough!” another added. 

And The Award For “The Weirdest Wedding Guest Story” Goes To

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“You’re not a jerk at all. This might be the strangest and most outrageous weird-wedding-guest-behaviors story I’ve ever seen here.” said one.

“It actually feels like an MLM thing. It really wouldn’t surprise me if Dubai had some sort of real-estate scheme that worked the same way as Amway.” replied another.

You Don’t Have To ‘Uninvite’, Actually

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“She missed the RSVP deadline, so you don’t have to “uninvite her”, you can assume she is not coming. If she does try to RSVP, you can politely tell her that unfortunately since the deadline has passed you are no longer able to increase the headcount at the venue. 

Pro tip – if you have a block of rooms at a hotel for your guests, ask the hotel to notify you if she books a room. If so, reach out to her and use the phrasing above. 

And – no, you are not the jerk for wanting to uninvite her. Her request is so far outside of social norms that I question her mental well being.”

If At All She Comes, Your Wedding Might Turn Into An Auction

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“There is no way she will stick to the agreement if she comes to your wedding. You can guarantee that she would be there clutching an iPad so she can show absolutely everybody the properties she is trying to sell.  

To have the gall to ask to be able to do this on your wedding day shows she has absolutely no respect for you or what the day is really about.” 

A Friend You DON’T NEED, Indeed

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“I think you’ll be burning a friendship, but I also think this is a friend that you really don’t need.”

“She doesn’t sound like a friend anymore.”

What Even Made Her Think That Way?!

Cute bride with bridesmaids lying on the bed
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“What! What made her think that doing a sales pitch AT YOUR WEDDING would be even remotely appropriate. She’s probably become involved in some pyramid scheme and knows no boundaries”

The After-Effects Of Working In The Real Estate Industry

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“Real estate is a brain disease. Still will never forget the day that my former colleague cold-called me to see if I had any house-buying needs, after three years without any contact. (She happened to pick the day I’d just found out I was getting laid off from my job at the time.)”

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