Is it acceptable for grandparents to refuse to babysit their grandchildren based solely on the fact that they are not biologically related? Generally speaking, no. However, there may be extenuating circumstances that warrant further consideration.

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for refusing to babysit my grandchild due to her not being my biological grandkid?”. Here’s the full story for your context.


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The Original Poster (OP) was told to come here on social media. OP’s son was married to Emma. They got married and had a kid, apparently, he had doubts about whether he was the father and got a DNA test.

What Does OP Say

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“He was not but has been in the kid’s life for 4 years and his name is on the birth certificate so he is legally responsible and he still loves the kid.”, says OP.

OP’s Issue Right Now

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Now OP’s issue is that before they divorced, OP was never allowed near the grand kid. OP asked to babysit but they both cited that OP’s home was unsafe and they do not trust her with a baby, even if she raised four kids.

They wouldn’t even bring the kid to family events like Christmas. They did this with all of his siblings.

What Does OP Say

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“I know I am from more countries than them but it hurts a lot. My other kids’ relationship with him is strained because they believe he is looking down on them after he got a city job.”, says OP.

What’s Been Happening Post Divorce?

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Now after the divorce, OP’s son has the kid almost 50 percent of the time and he keeps asking OP to babysit. OP told him straight up that she would not babysit the kid since she is not OP’s grand kid and he made it clear OP wasn’t good enough to babysit when he thought she was his kid.

“Huge argument and he thinks I am awful. I just think he wants someone to parent due to not being able to rely on his ex-wife anymore.”, says OP.

Some More Information

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OP later edited the post and added the following information:

“The reason he claimed my house was unsafe was the horses, this is in two other comments. Nothing about my house has changed. Everything is locked if it is dangerous. I’ve watched my other grand kids and there have been zero issues.”

He Probably Expects Free Babysitting

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“Not the jerk. This has more to do with his behavior towards you when he was married than the kid not being your biological grand kid. But now that he suddenly needs help, Grandma is suddenly safe and fine. He probably expects free babysitting.

I suspect the kid being kept away from your family was more the ex’s doing than your son’s. I’d like to hear her reasons why she would withhold him not just from grandma, but most of the family.

If you are going to babysit, do it for market rate.”

Overall, he is Not The Jerk

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“Overall not the jerk, I do think your reasoning for saying no should have ONLY been about how they didn’t trust you before, so why trust you now.”

It’s Not Because Of The DNA Test

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“Not the jerk, the reason you’re not this kid’s grandparent isn’t because of a DNA test, it is because your son and son’s ex didn’t allow you to be. Your son has no right to ask you anything regarding his kid.”

Everyone’s In The Wrong

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“Everyone’s in the wrong. If you’d refused because you weren’t up to their ‘standards’ before, you would not be the jerk. But refusing because you’re not biologically related to your son’s child is utter nonsense Would you refuse to babysit a child he adopted?

He of course is also a jerk for the way he behaved while he was still married, and for expecting you to just accept him backtracking on that for convenience.

I suspect your behavior is due to hurt feelings more than anything else. I recommend you let it go and build a relationship with your grandchild. Don’t punish the child because her parents are jerks. She will need loving adults in her life and you can be one of them. So be the bigger person here.”

They Kept You From The Child Regardless Of DNA!

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“Not the jerk, due only in fact to the way they both treated you before. If your house wasn’t safe they could have asked for help in ensuring a safe space. They both kept you from this child – regardless of DNA.”

What Goes Around Comes Around

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“Not the jerk. What goes around comes around. You weren’t good enough to babysit then so why now? They made the rules so they can live with them.”

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