An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for expecting to meet my grandchild?”. We need to hear your thoughts.
Backstory
The Original Poster’s (OP) (42M) son (Jay – 18) is having a baby with his girlfriend (Kate – 18).
OP says, “I will be honest in saying I don’t think they are ready for this.
They have been together for less than a year, but she is due in July. Obviously, OP knows that things happen, so they are doing their best to embrace it. OP is excited to meet this new little person.
Kate’s Family’s Involvement
Anyways, Kate’s family is uninvolved – OP thinks they honestly weren’t great parents, to begin with, when they found out they kicked their pregnant 17-year-old to the streets.
Two Weeks Ago
OP’s son and Kate were living with OP until 2 weeks ago when they got their first apartment – OP is extremely proud of them. They had a room set up for the baby, but since they got their own place, OP let them take all the baby items he purchased.
“I mean a fully furnished nursery, and then, of course, everything from the shower – that baby isn’t going to be wanting for much”, says OP.
OP’s Offer For The Scheduled Date Of Delivery
Well, the baby is breech. They have tried everything to get that baby to turn, but nothing! So, they have a C-section scheduled for July 3rd, assuming the baby doesn’t flip\she goes into labor.
OP requested this day off of work, and then asked his son and Kate if they would like him to pick them up or if they planned to have OP’s son drive them.
OP’s son was confused and told him that he would drive them; why would OP drive them?
Kate’s Denial Of OP’s Offer
OP told him he was just offering, and told him he’d be in the waiting room waiting for her to get out of surgery. Then Kate jumped in and said they weren’t having any visitors at the hospital.
She said she needed time to heal, and they wanted to bond with the baby. She said it would just be the two of them and her sister.
OP Was Taken Aback
OP admits he was pretty taken aback”I mean, I feel like as the grandparent, I’m closer than the aunt – but whatever”, says OP.
OP said okay because he didn’t want to fight and said he would be waiting at their house. Kate jumped back in and said the only visitor they would be having was her older sister.
She said she would be in pain, bleeding, and trying to breastfeed, and that she wanted privacy to do that.
The TDAP Booster Problem
Kate also said that OP never got his TDAP booster (which he thinks he doesn’t need as he had it maybe 5 years ago when he had to go to the ER for a cut), so he couldn’t come until the baby had its first shots or OP got the shot.
The Final Fuss
OP pointed out to her if she didn’t have a vaginal birth that, she wouldn’t be bleeding, and it would just be a surgery recovery she could stay in the bedroom and relax, and OP’s son could bring her the baby when it was hungry.
She told OP that ‘nobody was taking her newborn from her.’ Lots of other things were said, and OP feels highly taken advantage of.
“I sheltered and provided for her and my son, and I didn’t have to – plus, I gifted them a lot. I now see a lot of other narcissistic tendencies from Kate, and I feel like it’s WWIII with my poor boy caught in the middle. I don’t feel like a jerk, but she and my son are saying I am. Am I a jerk?”, asks OP.
Show Some Basic Decency
“You should have warned them your “generosity” came with a lot of strings attached. How about you show this new-to-be mom some respect and privacy while recovering from a life-altering event? You’re the jerk!”
Too Many Reasons Why You’re The Jerk
“1) You are factually wrong about bleeding. I have had 3 C-sections and bled for 4-6 weeks afterward. Every woman experiences it after birth, regardless of how she delivered
2) It’s extremely common for parents to take the first few days to bond alone with their baby. It’s not a personal thing against you specifically.
3) As for her older sister being there, she’s most likely there to take care of her sister, not just to see the new baby, and YES there is a big difference in that.
4) If she is requesting you get the shot, get the shot or show proof that you have had it recently enough to not need a booster.
Your Logics Are Pretty Vague
“You’re closer to the baby than the mother’s sister; how exactly? How do those mental gymnastics work?
And talk about narcissistic tendencies, you’re literally saying you’re entitled to be in the hospital because you bought them things.
Also, a tdap vaccine is recommended for anyone that is going around a newborn for an extended period of time.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.