One-sided relationships never work out, be they platonic or romantic!

A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for refusing to go to Mexico with my best friend?”. We need to hear your thoughts on the matter!


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Ten years ago, on Original Poster’s, OP’s (33f) first day of law school, she met the person who would become her best friend, “J” (36f). 

“We did everything together: studied, partied, had mental breakdowns, you name it. We went through it all together. We were bonded by trauma”, says OP. 


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After we graduated, J lived only 25 minutes away, and they got together frequently, but OP started to realize they were a little flaky. Sometimes, at the last minute, they would cancel plans without explanation. This was usually okay because OP is one of those people who sometimes makes plans and then dreads having to be social. 

“We lived so close that if plans were canceled one day, we’d just reschedule for another day,” says OP. 


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Things changed just before the pandemic. J moved an hour away. Luckily, J’s new place was on the way to OP’s parents’ (whom OP visits about 1-2 times a month), so she would stop at J’s for a sleepover on Friday nights whenever she went to her parent’s place for the weekend.


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Unfortunately, despite OP making the trip (albeit one of convenience became that OP was going to see her parents anyway, but she always made sure to have a meaningful visit with J whenever OP was going up there), J has not visited OP since 2019.


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In the last year, J has blown OP off three times for significant events OP has invited them to. First, it was a housewarming party for OP’s new apartment. 

“I invited people months in advance, made a Facebook event as well. J texts me 1 hour before the party and tells me that they couldn’t get anyone to watch their dog (it wasn’t J’s dog; it was their Significant Other’s (SO’s) dog, and J did not live with the SO, J was ‘hanging out’ with the dog while the SO was at work), and so they couldn’t come. I didn’t think anything of it, and I was just slightly annoyed with the last-minute excuse. But, others were coming, so I let it go”, says OP. 


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Next, OP planned a slumber-party-style night with just her three best friends (J and two others; they knew one another quite well) weeks in advance. 

“Well, you guessed it, on the day of, I got a text from J (after they were supposed to have been at my house) saying that one of their tires was low on air and they couldn’t come,” says OP. 


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Finally, earlier this year, OP had planned a small birthday gathering for weeks, and on the night of her birthday, J texted OP, saying her new boyfriend (of one week) broke up with her, and she was too upset to come. 


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Allegedly, to make up for missing OP’s birthday, J suggested they do a Mexico trip together. She would send OP “countdown to Mexico” texts for months about her excitement and nearly daily messages. 


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Then, a month before the trip, J texted OP asking if she (OP) would mind if she (J) brought her brand new boyfriend (of one week) to Mexico with her instead of OP. She (OP) told her best friend that she didn’t value their friendship if she could replace OP that easily with her squeeze of the week and that she could forget their friendship entirely. 

“She said she was kidding, and I was overreacting, and we would still go together. I refused. Did I overreact? Am I a jerk?” asks OP.


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“Not the jerk. J has no regard for you or your friendship. It’s best to let this one fizzle out. Let the distance between you metaphorically and physically take hold.

Sorry, you’re going through this. Losing a friend is awful, but they weren’t your friend for a while.”


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“Not the jerk. Flaky friends are the worst. I ended a friendship with someone because of chronic flakiness. They don’t care, so I said bye.” 


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“Not the jerk. OP, you have allowed yourself to be walked all over by this person for far too long. She doesn’t value friendship as much as you do and probably never did. She isn’t your friend, as friends don’t treat each other this way.” 

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