A wedding is an important event, and brides want to make it perfect. In chasing that, sometimes they do become unreasonable. A user asked, Am I wrong for not attending my sister’s wedding because of her dress code?


wedding lavish
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The Original Poster (OP) (18F) recently decided she is not to attend her sister’s (21F) wedding. OP says, “My sister has her dream wedding planned; she has been dreaming of her wedding all her life and has everything down to the t. She has prepared her cake, venue, dress, bridesmaid’s dresses, and flower arrangements.”

Sister Showed The Dresses

Cute bride with bridesmaids lying on the bed
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She sat OP and other sisters down to show the dresses she wanted them to wear. They were cute flowy pink gowns with lace around the neck area. They all loved them, but OP had a problem, they were short-sleeved.

It is important to remember these are not bridesmaids’ dresses. OP’s sister wants everyone from the girl’s side to wear the same dress. 

It Is Summers

bridesmaid 1
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Now her wedding is in the summer, so short sleeves are kind of a must-have, but OP has scars all down her arms and does not want them on show at the wedding. OP pulled her aside and asked if she could get a dress with sleeves or wear sleeved gloves.

Sister Denies

Image Credits: Deposit Photos.

She said no and wanted everyone to look the same, so OP couldn’t wear sleeves or have a different dress. OP said OP wasn’t comfortable having her arms on show around such many people and that everyone would see them in all the pictures.

She Asked To Put On MakeUp

makeup wedding
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She asked if OP could just put makeup on her arms, but she has keloid scars, and makeup won’t cover them. She then said if OP wasn’t cooperating, she just shouldn’t come. She told OP’s family that OP was being difficult and didn’t want to obey the dress code because OP wanted to be “different.”

She Sent Invites But OP Hasn’t RSPVed

Displeased pissed off angry grumpy pessimistic woman with bad attitude, arms crossed looking at you Negative human emotion facial expression feeling
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She sent out her invites a few weeks ago and messaged me asking why OP hasn’t confirmed that she is going. OP says, “I said that I’m still not comfortable being in short sleeves and that I will just not attend since I don’t want to ruin her perfect day but dress differently.”

OP Offers To Give Money For The Dress

Portrait of an annoyed woman
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She complained that she had already bought the dresses, and OP said she’d give her the money for hers, but she didn’t listen. OP says, “I know I probably sound selfish, and I shouldn’t let my own issues be a priority over my sister’s wedding, but I don’t like being in short sleeves, and there’s no other way to work around it.”

What Do People Have To Say?

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“You are not a jerk – You came up with a perfect solution with the gloves. Her not accepting it because of some ridiculous perfectionist aesthetic that no one will care about is absurd.

She’d rather have things look a certain way (again, that no one will notice except her) than have her sister at her wedding. She’s making a bad choice. I’m sorry it’s hurting you.”

You Had A Good Solution

The face of a man being afraid of something.
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“I agree that OP had a good solution. Contrary to what the bride is telling the family, it’s not OP who is “being difficult”; it’s her. OP is being quite kind in opting out of attending to not spoil the aesthetic on little bridezilla’s “perfect day”.”

Dress Codes Are Stupid

annoyed man
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“Dress codes are one thing, but this is a bit beyond. Who orders specific dresses and outfits and forces the GUESTS to wear them? That’s very odd unless you were in the bridal party, but it sounds like you are not from what is shared in the post.”

She Is A Jerk

young funny man angry pose
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“Not a jerk. On more than one occasion, you have said you would not be comfortable with your arms on display. You said this when she showed you the dresses she wanted you to wear.

She bought the dresses anyway, so that’s on her. And rather than listen to her sister’s concerns, she doubles down and goes so far as to lay her opinion over your legitimate reasons for not wanting to wear that dress.

Don’t give her the money for the dress; you are not being selfish. Your sister is. There is no situation where you should be forced to feel immensely uncomfortable all day to stick with a bad dress code which in the grander scheme of things doesn’t matter.”

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