Engagement rings are a traditional symbol of love and commitment, but they can also be very expensive. Many couples today are questioning whether it is necessary to spend thousands of dollars on a ring, especially when they are just starting out in their lives together.
A netizen recently asked, Am I a jerk for not wanting to get my girlfriend an “expensive” engagement ring? We’re all ears for your opinion!
Backstory:
OP (26 M) had been with his girlfriend (26 F) for 4 years and they’ve recently been talking more and more about marriage.
Although OP’s GF grew up relatively well off, for the time he’s known her she’s been pretty low-maintenance. She’s never cared about designer brands, rarely buys new clothes, and the jewelry she owns was gifted to her. OP has a decent job now (80k a year) and he’s been saving for a while, but growing up his family didn’t have a lot of money.
Same Page
OP and his GF have always seemed to be on the same page when it comes to saving money. He assumed she would be fine with a more affordable ring.
What Happened When OP Started Looking Into Rings?
When OP started looking into rings, he discovered moissanite rings, which look similar to diamond rings but are much more affordable. He was looking at rings in the 1500 -1800 range.
What Happened Next
When OP mentioned this to her, she insisted she wanted a real diamond ring and sent him links to a bunch of diamond rings that she liked. The prices ranged from 6,500-10,000. OP told her that he wasn’t willing to spend that much. She seemed genuinely mad and said it wasn’t “that expensive”.
The Argument Followed
They got into a pretty big argument over it.
OP told her that it was ridiculous to ask him to spend that much and that he thought she was more reasonable than that. She said OP was being cheap and that he could afford it and that he was basically saying she wasn’t worth it. OP told her no one is worth a 10,000 ring.
What Happened Next
Eventually, OP’s GF said she didn’t care and that he should get whatever ring he wanted but he knows she’s clearly still mad and he also knows this is going to be an ongoing argument.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “I’m a bit frustrated because this seems out of left field. I’ve always known marriage is super important to her but I didn’t realize she’d insist on a diamond ring.”
What Did OP Do Next?
So, next, OP talked to her older sister about it, who despite agreeing diamond rings were stupidly priced, sided with his GF and said if he could afford it, she didn’t see the big deal. She added that OP’s GF has done “so much” for him and he was being a jerk about this.
Story Behind His Sister’s Remark
Explaining his sister’s remark, OP says, “What my sister means by my GF “doing so much for me” is that she was really supportive when I was in a serious car accident 4 years ago.
I broke multiple bones and required a few surgeries. Although where I live most healthcare is covered, I was unable to work for a while and had expenses I wasn’t able to pay.
I had been dating my GF for only 6 months at the time, and she was really there for me. I couldn’t pay my rent so she let me move in with her for free and helped pay for a few expenses and for physical therapy I needed. She also helped me get a job with her uncle who was the VP of an insurance company (It was an entry-level position and I had a business degree so it’s not like I was unqualified).”
OP’s Final Stance
OP further adds, “Obviously I’ve thanked her for all she did for me but it’s not something we talk about much. I don’t think I’m obligated to buy an expensive ring because she helped me out a few years ago. But if my own sister said this I’m guessing my GF must feel the way as well. Am I the jerk here?”
This Seems Important To Her, Man
“IMO, if your GF is relatively cheap about other things, and this one thing is REALLY special to her, I think you should get the diamond. This seems important to her. You’ll earn the money back eventually, it’s a 1-time purchase for something that is really important to her. If you truly care about her desires, you would buy the ring. Loving wife > Money.”
You Must Return Her Favor In Her Love Language
“So you have, in your own words, a “pretty low-maintenance” girlfriend. And she’s asking you to splurge one time on the most important material item you can give to a romantic partner – an engagement ring.
It’s fine if an expensive ring isn’t in the budget right now. But simply tell her that, and continue to save up. If you really love this woman and appreciate the way she supported you after your accident, then you should want to return the favor in her own love language. Not belittle her by saying things like “I thought you were more reasonable than that.”
You’re the jerk for sure, especially how you’ve been going about this.”
Apologize For Not Seeing It Sooner
“You’re a bit of a jerk. Your thoughts seemed reasonable until you told the part of the story where you lived off her for months and she covered your expenses. Get the ring she wants and apologize for not seeing it sooner.”
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This article originally appeared on Mrs Daaku Studio.