We love to do things for our families, but where do we draw the line? What if people start to take you for granted?
A user asked on a popular forum, Am I wrong for choosing to go on a trip with my girlfriend instead of taking care of my struggling brother’s son?
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) is a 24-year-old man. OP’s 31-year-old brother “Luke,” his 28-year-old wife “Emma,” and their 4-month-old son “Kyle” moved to OP’s city last year because Emma got a new job. They would occasionally ask OP to watch Kyle because OP used to work from home with flexible hours.
OP does not like kids at all, but he was happy to do that at the time because he wanted to help them; it was not that often, maybe once or twice every 2 weeks, and Kyle was well-behaved.
Related: He REFUSED To Pay Her Daughter’s College Fees Because She Din’t Like His “New” Family. Is He Right?
What Started Happening?
The issue started near the end of last year when Luke decided to change careers. His new job required him to go to work a lot more often, and he made substantially less money.
This left them depending on OP more to take care of Kyle.
What Happened Next
It went from once or twice every two weeks to around three days out of the week. To make matters worse, Kyle’s behavior changed drastically. OP couldn’t stand the kid anymore. The kid was constantly running around and screaming while OP tried to work.
What Did Emma Say
Emma was over the other day to pick up Kyle. She commented about getting rid of some of the “dangerous” furniture in OP’s house, like tables with glass edges and stuff, so that his home would be safer for their son and made a joke about babyproofing his house because they were planning to have a daughter. That pissed off OP, but he didn’t say anything.
Read: He Refused Her Stay-At-Home Wife Any Money To Help Her Family And Friends. We Think He Is Right.
What Triggered OP?
The situation hit a breaking point last Friday when OP talked about the 1.5-week-long trip he was going on with his girlfriend. OP and his girlfriend loved traveling.
Upon hearing that, Emma and Luke got mad and asked who would take care of Kyle and that OP needed to stop those “childish trips.” They added that OP should take more responsibility because he has become an uncle. After hearing that, OP snapped and said that their demon child was not his responsibility and that he was not just gonna give up his life because of their child.
What Happened Next
It got pretty obscene from there, and some horrible things were said. They left, and they were no longer on speaking terms. OP’s parents and Emma’s parents were on Emma’s side and extremely angry at OP for “refusing to pull his weight.” OP’s parents said that that was his (OP’s) duty and that he should sacrifice everything to help them.
It got OP really down, and he cried his eyes every day after seeing those messages from his family. OP started wondering if he really should be taking more responsibility.
OP asks, “Am I wrong for choosing my trips over my brother and nephew?”
They Need Boundaries
“Not wrong. Sounds like your and Emma’s parents need to start doing THEIR “duty” and watching their grandchild. If they’re unwilling to do that, all their huffing and puffing that you need to watch Kyle is just hot air.
This is not your child; you have no “weight” to pull. This reeks of trying to gang up on you because you’re the youngest and you’re nice and they think you’re going to cave. Stay strong and keep your boundaries.”
Need Childcare Discussion
“Not wrong, the childcare discussion should have happened before your brother made his career change and should have included you since they were planning on relying on you more. Also, do they ever pay you for this?
Edit to add: I will say one thing that’s important here is don’t blame Kyle. You called him a demon child, which doesn’t sit well with me due to the extenuating circumstances. He’s a kid and likely a kid going through a rough time due to the changes his parents are making. Blame your brother and SIL for bad parenting.”
You Are A Jerk
“Not wrong, Your family is guilting you because non of them can be asked to take care of the son. Sorry this is happening to you, OP, but stand your ground. You’re 100% right. Sounds like your brother and sister-in-law have become entitled to your help and forgotten what it’s like to be solely responsible for your kid so they’ve begun to rely on your help.
But as you so rightfully pointed out, this is a problem. Your parents are probably joining in because they know if you stop looking after K together, they’ll be relied on much more.
Also, your outburst maybe not have been the best way to react, but they pushed you to break point, and you snapped. Also, they were being rude and unreasonable in their expectations, so i don’t expect you to respond 100% calmly and rationally either.”
OP Wants To Know
Do you agree with him? Was it inappropriate for OP’s family to assume it was his responsibility to care for the child? Was OP right in prioritizing his relationship and travel over caring for the kid? What would you do in this situation?
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The article originally appeared here.