It is important to maintain boundaries between personal and professional life, even with romantic partners. This means not allowing them to interrupt you at work unless it is an emergency.
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for not letting gf use my work computer while there was a vacant pc nearby?”
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) (31) and his girlfriend (34) work in the same company and on the same job for the same department but in different offices.
He works downstairs, and his girlfriend works upstairs.
He says that he has had a very tough couple of weeks with 2x workload and 1/2 the staff working with him on his customers while his girlfriend’s customers are on vacation, and there is not much for her to do at the moment.
HIS GIRLFRIEND CAME
His girlfriend came down yesterday to search for a document in their archive downstairs to check something.
WHAT’S THE ISSUE?
He says that she found a document and requested him to use his computer to check something, which means he would have to pause his job, log out, she would log in, check the thing, etc, for about 5 minutes.
WHAT DID OP SAY?
He told her there was a computer next to his computer that nobody was using, and she could use that one.
WHAT WAS HIS GIRLFRIEND’S REACTION?
His girlfriend then told him that she never used it, and it took too long to sync (about 5-10 minutes).
WHAT DID OP TELL NOW?
He told her that he was busy, and she could be with him while waiting, and that would be fun, they could talk, and he could still finish his critical tasks while she was waiting for them to sync.
WHAT WAS HIS GIRLFRIEND’S BEHAVIOR?
He says that his girlfriend’s eyes got watery, and she walked away.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
He explained to her via chat how it came out bad, but the idea still stands. Why should he pause when there is a perfectly good computer next to him?
He says that her girlfriend blocked him on everything except his number and said vile things to him.
WHAT DID OP TELL HIS GIRLFRIEND?
He also asked her to focus on moving on because it’s such a small thing, and she made it out to be a life-changing experience.
At lunch, she asked him what he wanted, and she brought it to me.
SHE WAS HARSH
OP thinks all is well until she completely ignores him while they eat. When he has finished and makes small talk to get back to being gf and bf, she tells him to go away.
HE GOT APPRECIATION
He says that two women from IT and HR come to him while he is away from the table to thank him for his contribution in some ad clip for the company, etc.
They tell him that he did a good job and ask him to come see the clips after lunch. His girlfriend then blames him for being too good to others and not at all good to her.
SHE LEFT HIM ALONE
She then left him at work when they had come together in the morning and made a plan that she would drop him off at home and would continue to go to her massage appointment.
HOW DID OP FEEL?
OP says that he was a bit mad, but in the end, he rented a car for 8 EUR (Bolt) and was finding the positives in this situation as in, he gotta rent a Bolt for the first time and drive a car as he has never driven, it’s the little things.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
When he got home, he cooked them a meal which she ignored completely. OP says that when she got home, she ate random stuff from the fridge instead.
He says that he did not make any talk with her, neither did she.
HE SLEPT
She then continued to watch Grey’s Anatomy until midnight. He went to bed at 21:30 because it’s been tough times, and he was tired of work.
He also doesn’t like to argue as it would wear him out. He asks if he is a jerk.
SHE SHOULD NOT MIX YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE
“Your girlfriend needs to be able to better compartmentalize your working and your personal relationship. Your response regarding the computer was a very reasonable one. The silent treatment is awful, and I wouldn’t want to live with someone like that.”
IT IS WEIRD
“It takes just as long to sync a new user account on your computer as an unused computer.
I don’t understand what she wants. It sounds very suspicious and just plain weird to expect you to pause your work and log out of your computer, which may disrupt things that are loading if you do any form of macro or processing – just for her to check something that she can do on any other computer.
NTA from me if that’s the whole story.”
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