Insecurities can be passed down to babies through learned behaviors and attitudes, potentially impacting their self-esteem and confidence later in life. Today, we share a story of one such example.

A user took to the popular forum and asked, “Am I wrong for going off on my wife for commenting about our 3-week-old daughter’s looks?”


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The Original Poster’s (OP) spouse was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and depression before pregnancy. Since giving birth to their baby girl three weeks ago, she has been experiencing symptoms of post-partum depression.

What Does She Do

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OP’s first child, a son, bears a striking resemblance to OP’s wife. When looking at baby photos of OP’s wife, their son’s baby photos were almost identical. OP’s wife is considered attractive, so their son is also charming.

Second Chil Bears OP’s Traits

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OP and his wife’s second child, a daughter, had inherited more physical traits from OP’s side of the family. She had a widow’s peak hairline, a trait that OP has had since infancy. Her lips were relatively thin, similar to OP’s.

Additionally, her nose was slightly larger than their son’s and had a classic hook shape, a trait commonly found in people of Middle Eastern descent, like OP.

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What Did OP’s Wife Say?

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In the 21 days since their daughter’s birth, OP’s spouse had repeatedly expressed sadness to the baby about inheriting features from OP. Some of the comments made by OP’s wife to their daughter include:

Things She Said

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“I’ll make sure to get you a nose job as soon as you’re old enough.”

“I wish you had gotten more of my family’s features. They are all beautiful and timeless, and your dad’s family, not so much.”

“[Their son] has these beautiful pouty lips, and you got stuck with those thin lips. It’s tough being a girl.”

Until yesterday, OP had been using a gentler approach to his spouse’s negative comments, with statements such as “ok, be nice” or “ok, chill.” However, yesterday OP reached his breaking point and yelled at his spouse for about five minutes, using profanity during his outburst.

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What Did OP Say?

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During the outburst, OP made statements such as: “I don’t care if she can’t understand you. Stop saying those negative things.”

“[Their son] can understand you, so stop with this negativity.”

“I can understand you, and I don’t want to listen to this anymore.”

“Life is tough for girls, especially when their mother constantly criticizes their appearance.”

“The baby is only three weeks old and is perfect. Stop projecting your insecurities onto her.”

“You’ve told me how your mother messed with your head with her negative comments about your appearance, so why are you doing the same thing to our daughter?”

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What Happened Next?

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After the outburst, OP’s spouse was understandably hurt by the comments, and the two of them have not yet talked about or debriefed the situation.

OP acknowledges that his spouse’s negative comments about their daughter’s appearance may be influenced by her anxiety and post-partum depression, as well as her own mother’s negative influence on her psyche. OP also acknowledges that yelling and berating someone is not usually the best action.

OP asks, “Am I wrong here?”

Do you think OP standing up for their daughter was right, or should they have handled the situation differently? What would you do in this situation?

You Are Not A Jerk

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“Not a jerk. Who promises a three week old plastic surgery because they take after their father?

She needs to talk to a professional. Not a jerk, and congratulations for your baby”

She Is Insulting Her Everyday

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“Not a jerk, regardless of the behavior’s genesis. Every day since the baby was born, she insulted her and Op and ignored his gentle redirections. No wonder he snapped. Losing his temper wasn’t the best, but it is understandable.

She needs help, and since she doesn’t seem to address it, he should help her for everyone’s sake. But neither childhood abuse nor PPD is a get-out of being a jerk-free card, and these children need to be protected from her toxicity.

She Doesn’t Need To Be Mean

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“I get she may have PPD, but she doesn’t have to verbalize her thoughts and keep them to herself. I suggest she/you both get some counseling. It sounds like she needs to do some healing based on her childhood. It may not be the best time to do this while suffering from PPD, but if nothing else, she needs to stop saying these things out loud.

Not a jerk and congrats on the birth of your beautiful daughter”

Imagine What WIll She Do In Future

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“Not a jer, she’s hurt is she? Imagine what it’s going to be like for your daughter when she’s older if her mother keeps up this attitude towards her.”

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This article originally appeared on Mrs. Daaku Studio.

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