Despite his stepdaughter and wife’s objections, he agrees to go to Paris with his daughter, unwilling to disappoint her.

A user asked the forum, “Will I be a jerk if I only take my daughter to Paris and not take my stepdaughter along?”. Read the complete story to know who is wrong here.


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The Original Poster (OP) (42m) has three children from his previous marriage, Olly (17m), Laila (15f), and Sena ( 12m).

He says that his current wife (38f) also has three children Keira (21f), Isla (19f), and Makayla (14f). He and his wife have been officially together for six years and married for 4, but they have known each other for ten years.


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He says that Keira and Isla have the same father, who is actively involved in their lives. However, Makayla’s father is not at all involved and has actively denied her.

Since she was 3, OP has tried to be a father figure to her. But he was still not sure if he was a father figure for her.


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He says that he always takes his sons to go fishing on the weekends and do other activities that Laila is not interested in.


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He also does other things with all of the kids together, but never really a father-daughter day with just Laila. He says that he does have a weak heart for Laila; he has never really told her “no.”


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So when Laila asked if they could have a father-daughter trip to Paris, he said yes. He told his wife, and she was fine with it. He thinks that Laila told Makayla about the trip to Paris. Makayla asked if she could also go on the trip with them.


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But Laila refused and told them it was just a trip for her and her dad.

OP says that Makayla then begged if she could also be on the trip; Laila again refused and told her to go on a trip with her own father.


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He says that Makayla was upset and went to her room to cry. His wife heard her and went to inquire about what had happened.


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He says that his wife is also upset and wants him to take Makayla on the trip as well.


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He asked Laila if she was okay with Makayla going with them, and she strictly refused.


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Laila also said that Isla and Keira also go on a trip with their father, and no one is upset, as well as her brothers going on a trip with just him, and that isn’t a problem.

He says that he kind of agrees with Laila on that. On the other hand, his wife will be very upset if he doesn’t take Makayla on the trip with them.


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He asked his sister for advice, and she said that it was unfair to exclude Makayla and that Laila could not always have her way. She said that he should take both or not have a trip at all.


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He has also asked his ex-wife what she thought about the situation, and she said that their kids should be his first priority and that it’s unfair to Laila.


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He says that he was thinking of only taking Laila to Paris for a father-daughter trip. But he was not sure if that would make him a jerk. He added that it seems that no matter what he does, someone will be upset.

OP asks if he is a jerk.


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“Not a jerk. It’s okay to take only Laila to Paris for a trip. That’s totally fine.

HOWEVER- you do need to have a sit-down, with a reasonable punishment, for Laila her telling Makayla “to go on a trip with her own father.” That wasn’t okay, and Laila was old enough to know better.

There is also no reason why Makayla can’t have a trip of her own, either with you or with her mom. Ideally, that would have been planned in advance, but you can fix it.

Acknowledge that you guys didn’t realize that everyone had a special trip planned but Makayla. Let her pick a place (within reason) that she wants to go to and which parent she wants to take her.

Parent/child time is important. Whether it’s one on one or one on two. It’s important. Remarriages don’t change that. But it’s also important to make sure that all of the kids are getting a version of the same experience.”


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“You are a jerk. You say you have tried to be a father figure to Makayla since she was 3. But have you really? Sounds like you are only willing to be a father to her when it pleases you and your own daughter.

For Laila to tell Makayla to go on a trip with her own father, knowing her own father has never been involved, is a supremely bad thing to say. For that alone, she should not be rewarded with a trip to Paris.

You are raising an entitled brat and, quite frankly, a very unkind human being if you allow her to get away with treating her stepsister that way. Take both girls, or don’t go at all.”


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“Not a jerk. Your bio daughter is entitled to one on one time with her father. Why does everyone else get to spend time with their dads, but your daughter doesn’t?

I understand the SD has a deadbeat dad, but that isn’t your daughter’s fault. You brought your daughter into this world, and she is your priority. You do something else with your SD.”


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‘Not a jerk yet… But I think you need to take a long hard look at what kind of relationship you want with Makayla. I think taking the girls together is out of the picture at this point.

You don’t seem to be very strong when it comes to sticking up for Makayla, and I am afraid this would be the worst vacation of her life. I think throwing them together for this trip would be a disaster.

Yes, Isla and Keira go on trips with THEIR father. It is clear that this girl is looking at you as a father figure. What kind of message do you want to leave her with?

Talk to her, and your current wife, your ex is an ex for a reason and won’t have your best interest in this.

My best advice is to take Makayla somewhere special for the two of you and, for god sake, talk to the girl and let her know that she is important to you.”


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“Not a jerk because she asked and was told no, and that should be respected – your daughter deserves just dad and her time.

But you really need to talk to Laila about why what she said to Mikayla was wrong because she knows she doesn’t have a father to do things with, and that was uncalled for.”

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