Is it possible for a responsible partner to do all the chores after getting home from work, without any help from their partner? No, it’s not. A responsible partner should take an equal part in household chores to reduce the burden on both partners. Using ADHD as an excuse to avoid chores is not fair or acceptable.

A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for making a (very) childish chore chart for my boyfriend?”. Read the complete story to know who is wrong here.


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The Original Poster’s (OP ‘s) boyfriend (23m) recently moved in with her. OP says that he has ADHD, so noticing when things have to be done and doing them are a bit of a struggle for him.

OP sympathizes with it. But she realized it might be difficult.


Image Credits: Violator22, Shutterstock

She admits it’s frustrating to come home at 8 pm only to find out she still needs to buy groceries and cook because he forgot. Or to want to do laundry, only to find out his wet laundry has been in the machine for four days. Or wanting a quick bowl of cereal for breakfast but having to skip it because he forgot to put the milk back in the fridge.

Also, having to do his chores/fix something he started is a daily occurrence.


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OP says that when he moved in with her, they divided chores 50/50, OP let him pick the ones he liked, and OP did the rest.


Upset couple having an argument in the kitchen
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OP is frustrated because he’s not doing his part. They talked about it several times, but he always says he just forgets or doesn’t see it.

OP suggested he download an app that’ll send him reminders, but he thinks the reminders would only stress him out.


couple regret on bed
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So OP made him a chore chart.

OP thought it was the most childish she ever did, with bright colors and smiley faces for completed tasks.


couple fight upset
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OP hung it up in the fridge. But OP’s boyfriend was angry about it.

He thinks OP was a jerk for humiliating him like this. OP says no one has seen the chart she created.


people, relationship difficulties, conflict and family concept - unhappy couple having argument at home
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OP added that it wasn’t a first resort. She tried lists, notes, checklists, and apps, reminding him in person. If she reminds him when they are home, he’ll say ‘later’; if she reminds him again, he still says later.

OP did the dishes that were soaking in the sink for five days, and he’ll get mad at her because ‘he was just about to get to that.’

OP also says that he also doesn’t seem to struggle with remembering things or completing tasks at work.


man shouting at woman couple fight
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“People use ADHD to excuse any kind of behavior. I have ADHD, and I can remember to finish laundry and grocery shop and all kinds of things. Nip this in the bud. You shouldn’t have to be responsible for everything because he can’t remember.

Think long and hard about the future- are you going to marry and have kids with him? You’ll be juggling everything then alone or having to follow him around telling him what to do.”


couple fight ignore
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“Not a jerk! I’m so sick and tired of people using their ADHD as an excuse to be slob! I also have ADHD, and lists and charts are my whole life! Because if I don’t, I WILL FORGET!

He might be mad cause he’s been lazy and used to getting away with using his ADHD as an excuse. I know cause I’ve been there as well when I was in my 20’s, but he’s gotta grow up and take responsibility sometimes.”


Unhappy couple not talking after an argument in bed at home.
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“Not a jerk. He clearly just wants you to do everything with no changes on his part. You could have made the most professional adult chore chart in existence, and he’d find a way to call it emasculating because he doesn’t want to do anything, period.

It’s so funny to me it’s emasculating to make the chore chart cute but not manipulative and “mothering” you when he doesn’t do his fair share of the housekeeping. He’s doing a great job of reversing victim and offender.

Personally, I’d break up and move out. Emotionally immature people take years and years to change, if ever. I heavily doubt he’s going to grow up in time to be the partner you deserve.”


couple fight1
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“Not a jerk.

He’s humiliating himself by not managing his condition’s impact on you.”


Depressed man closing his eyes while his angry wife shouting
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“Not a jerk. Diagnosed with ADHD.

I would *love* a chore chart like this. It would make my life so much easier, even more so since someone else made it!

I understand him getting stressed out by the “amount” of chores that need doing, but come on. If I forget to do a very important chore (e.g. buy groceries and cook dinner) you know what I would do when someone reminded me? I would apologise profusely and do it!

OP, when you remind your BF that he hasn’t done a certain chore (that you already asked him to do), does he do it then/apologize/do it within the next hour? How does he rectify his mistake?”

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