It’s understandable to be concerned about our loved ones’ health, but it can be challenging to address their concerns without offending them.

A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for telling my very skinny boyfriend that he needs to eat more?”. Read the complete story to know who is right here.


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The Original Poster’s (OP’s) boyfriend got very skinny in the last few weeks. She says that she feels like he has lost at least 10 kgs.

She says that she saw him shirtless the previous day and was kinda shocked at how much weight and muscle he lost recently.


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She still thinks he’s handsome, but she is worried about his health if it continues like that.


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The previous day she told him she noticed how much weight he had lost and that he should start eating more before getting sick.

She said it was not a serious tone at all, just chill tone, very casual.


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She says her boyfriend got offended and told her to mind her business. She says that he was very dismissive and rolled his eyes at her, which made her sad.


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She apologized and told him she was just worried about him, and then he said, “Do you want me to call you a fattie and ask you to eat less? Yeah, don’t be annoying.”


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She says she was so shocked he’d say something like that. She added that she wasn’t trying to be mean at all.


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She was still very sad about this, and they hadn’t talked much since then. She doesn’t get why he even said this because she was at a normal weight.

She says that she is 5’5 and 150 pounds. She added that his comment made her very self-conscious.


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His overall behavior has been very dismissive for some time now, and she doesn’t know why. She asks if she was wrong for saying that and if she should apologize again.


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“10 kg weight loss in a short time on an already skinny person without intention is alarming. It may be a sign of medical illness, or it may be him neglecting his health brutally or even drugs.

But however, you could have asked him in a better way and not just demanded him to eat.

But in the end, I think you’re overall not a jerk in your concerns. I don’t get the people going; you are a jerk. I think they think of the typo 10 lbs.

This comes from someone who hates remarks about weight. This feels like something very different. Rapid unintentional weight loss is a bad thing, and even more so for a skinny person.”


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“Not a jerk.

Your concern is well-founded. Losing that kind of weight that quickly is never healthy and is often a sign of a serious health condition.

However, what you probably should have said is, “I know this is a sensitive subject, but I’m very worried, so I hope you don’t mind me bringing it up. I noticed you lost a lot of weight. Have you been feeling okay?”. After saying this you could then asked him to SEE A DOCTOR, not just eat more.

Sudden rapid weight loss means a doctor’s attention is needed ASAP. You are not in a position to offer medical advice – which “eat more” definitely is.

Your boyfriend got defensive because he was asked a very sensitive question, which is unsurprising. He may be suffering from an ED or may, in fact, have had worrying symptoms that he’s trying to ignore.

Hell, maybe he’s been to a doctor and knows exactly what’s wrong but isn’t ready to tell you.

If I were you, I wouldn’t give up on this, but I would be very, very careful about how I continued to try and talk to him about the issue. This is going to remain a sensitive subject.”


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“You are a jerk.

Yes, you were wrong in how you said it.

You should have said, “Do you feel alright? You’ve been looking a little off lately. ”

As a skinny person, there is absolutely nothing I hate more than someone telling me to gain weight.”


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“Ugh, 10 kilos in a few weeks is definitively concerning… especially if it’s unintentional weight loss.

Instead of making it about the body and how it looks, try talking to him about what’s going on in his life. Maybe stress, maybe dieting, or maybe something could definitely be medically wrong.”


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“I think the way you went about it is bad. Your concern is not. Quick unintended weight loss is a concern. I just saw a 26 yo who had lost 30 pounds fairly quickly. She was a new onset type 1 diabetic.

I’ve seen a lady who lost a ton of weight and had hyperthyroidism. It could be cancer or he’s doing drugs. Anyway, you should’ve mentioned your concern about his weight loss and recommended that he go see a doctor.”

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