Our personalities and behaviors often have real-life consequences, both good and bad. It’s a fact of life that we must learn to accept and navigate.

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for saying I don’t like my friend’s boyfriend, which caused him to lose a job opportunity?”. We need to hear your thoughts.


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The Original Poster, OP (27F) has a friend, Natalie, who has a boyfriend, Jamie. Jamie is a complete jerk. He’s one of those people who makes below-the-belt jokes and then calls you sensitive if you don’t find it funny.

What Does OP Say

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In the 18 months OP has known him, he has called Natalie fat, “average”, and boring to her face too many times to count. He has called many of their mutual friends rude and demeaning and has purposefully antagonized OP on many occasions.

“We all put up with him because if we don’t, we’d never see Natalie, but he is the butt of every joke and a walking cliché.”, says OP.

The Job Opportunity For Jamie

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OP’s roommate Harry recently had a job in his company that Natalie asked him to interview Jamie for.

Harry is part of their wider friendship group (his friend is dating one of the girls in OP’s group) and has met Jamie but has not really spent much time with him so he thought he was an alright guy.

OP decided to keep out of it because she knows Jamie has been unemployed for a while, and it has really affected Natalie.

Where Did The Interview Take Place?

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When Harry mentioned he was going to do the interview at their apartment, he could see OP was uncomfortable.

OP didn’t mention anywhere near the extent of Jamie’s behavior, just said he’d made a couple of demeaning remarks to/about her, and she wasn’t overly keen on being around when he was.

OP told Harry not to do anything about this and that he should hire the best person for the job.

What Happened During The Interview?

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Harry went through with the interview, but he made Jamie do a lot of preparation work and a presentation to other employees and then made the interview extremely long for no reason.

Then at the end, he said he wouldn’t hire him.

What Happened After The Interview?

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Jamie got mad at Natalie over it, and she got mad at OP, saying OP shouldn’t have said anything about Jamie knowing how great the job would be and how hard it is to get jobs in the field.

On top of that, OP should have been sensitive to his unemployment and that she’s ignorant of how difficult the job market is.

What Does Everyone Else Think?

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Natalie is now not speaking to OP, and their friends are divided. Two think OP shouldn’t have said anything because Jamie really needs the work, and ultimately it would have been helping Natalie.

One friend thinks it’s fair that OP expressed not wanting Jamie in her home and that she owed it to Harry to tell him because Jamie is an HR problem waiting to happen.

OP’s Final Thoughts

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“On the one hand, yes, his off-the-clock behavior shouldn’t cost Jamie a job, but on the other hand, why should I have to cover up for the way Jamie is?

If honesty makes him look bad then maybe that’s his problem. Then again, I guess it was some pretty petty antics that had real-life consequences so maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m not sure whether I should apologize.”, asks OP.

Some More Context

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OP later edited the post and added the following information

“For everyone asking how it got out that I told Harry. Jamie went home and went off on Natalie about him not getting the job, as it was basically a lock with Harry doing it as a favor to Natalie.

She figured the only person who would have changed Harry’s mind about doing her the favor was me, so she called and I ended up telling her the truth. She then told everyone else.”

Now OP asks if she is a jerk.

It’s All Because Of His OWN Attitude

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“Not the jerk. You said his ‘off-the clock’ behavior shouldn’t cost him a job but he only got this opportunity because of your friendship group so, unfortunately for him, his off-the-clock behavior is a known factor for the employer ….it’s his own attitude that has cost him this loss of job.

Plus, why is your home being used for an interview location? That’s just weird and you have every right to protect your home and keep it a safe space for you.”

That’s What Happens In Real Life

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“Not the jerk. As your friend said, Jamie would eventually be an HR problem and this would also make Harry look bad.

In real life, people have consequences for their acts, speaking, and personality too.”

No Reason For Him To Complain

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“Not the jerk. His extended friends’ circle got him the job opportunity in the first place. Then he shouldn’t complain that his off-the-clock behavior plays a part.”

All You Did Was Give Your Opinion

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“Not the jerk. You were asked for an opinion and you gave it. It sounds like you were either gonna cost Jamie a job or give Harry a nightmare of an employee to work with.

They can think what they want, if he didn’t act like a jerk, you wouldn’t think he was a jerk – it really is that simple.”

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