It is always best to respect someone’s need for alone time. Forcing them to engage will only annoy them. A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for telling my wife that my mother will never love her and that she must stop trying?”
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) has been married to his wife for two years, and he says that the best way to describe his mother is cold; she is not rude or anything. It’s just that she is disinterested in his wife.
THIS IS HOW HE EXPLAINS
The best way for OP to explain his mom is that “she is tired”. She had a really hard life, didn’t have much affection left to give, and rarely got close to anyone. It’s pure disinterest, and she can’t bring herself to care about new people.
He also says that his mother is a retired old lady that just wants to sit on the porch, not make small talk with people. He says that he had explained this to his wife before and told his mother’s story.
A GET-TOGETHER PARTY
They had a little get-together at his mom’s house. His mom doesn’t like it when people bring food, she works all day to make a spread, and it’s like her thing.
She just wants to provide for the guests.
WHAT WAS THE ISSUE?
His wife came from work, and she brought food, potatoes salad.
He says that he stopped her from bringing it in the whole night. His wife was just bothering his mother when she was on the porch. His wife was asking his mother if she wanted to go on a shopping trip, but when his mom asked for some quiet, his wife still kept on talking.
HOW DID HIS MOTHER REACT?
He says that his mother asked him to take his wife away from her when he was walking by. This made his wife upset, but he did it since he could see his mom was getting close to the end of her rope.
WHAT WAS HIS WIFE’S ANSWER?
He says they had a talk in the car about what that was all about, and his wife says she just wants to be loved by her MIL.
Her wife is being nice, so she doesn’t get why her MIL doesn’t like her.
WHAT DID OP TELL HER?
He told his wife that his mother would never love her and that she must just stop. He also explained to his wife that what she is doing is actively making her dislike her so its better for her to leave his mom alone.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
His wife called him a jerk and hasn’t spoken to him since.
HIS MOTHER’S NATURE
He says that rarely, most of the time, if people join her on the porch, it’s very little small talk or just join her watching the garden. She doesn’t care how loud they are in the house or anything like that. She likes watching others have a good time, more of an observer than anything.
He also added that his mother asked for quiet with his wife since she was just going on for a while.
WHAT WAS HIS SISTER’S UNDERSTANDING
His sister was out there and told him their mom tried politer ways to ask her to be quiet, which didn’t work. Also, the direct request didn’t work with his wife, and she kept going on.
YOUR WIFE SHOULD BE MATURE ENOUGH
“She’s a retired old lady that just wants to sit on the porch, not make small talk with people.
Honestly, your mom sounds like my life goal.
Not a jerk; it is really bad for your wife, but let people be. Not everyone will be liked by everyone, and your wife should be old and mature enough to understand that.”
YOUR WIFE SHOULD IGNORE HER
“Leave cranky old people alone… the older I get, the more I understand & appreciate this statement.
If your wife really wants your mother to like her, then she should just ignore her. Say thanks for the food & leave. A lot of people would believe that’s being rude to the host; however, the gift of kindness is accepting people for who they are, not trying to force them to be someone you want them to be.”
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