People from diverse cultural backgrounds have varying traditions and customs, which we should respect. However, if a tradition or custom makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to follow it. A user asked on a popular forum, Am I wrong for refusing to honor my boyfriend’s family’s tradition?
Backstory:
The Original Poster (OP) (27F) has been in a relationship with her boyfriend Eric (29M) for three years. Eric’s family is friendly, and OP has had the opportunity to meet them even though they live in Eric’s home country.
OP and Eric are of different nationalities but work in OP’s country.
Sister Asked The Question
During their last visit over the weekend, OP and Eric mentioned to Eric’s family that they had been searching for houses to move in together and engagement rings. While having dinner, Eric’s parents and brothers expressed their happiness for the couple’s big step in their relationship, even though they were not engaged.
However, an unexpected conflict arose when Eric’s youngest sister-in-law asked, “So, is OP going to take the test?”
A Bit Into What The Test Is All About
OP’s boyfriend’s family has a tradition where the future mother-in-law (MIL) tests future daughters-in-law to see if they are good enough for her sons.
OP’s boyfriend’s mother and aunts went through the same test. The tests include how clean they can keep a home, how well they can cook, their manners, etc. In short, life skills most people learn from childhood.
OP Found It Ridiculous
OP found it ridiculous because:
- If OP is good enough for her boyfriend or not, he should be the one deciding it, and
- OP doesn’t fit in their targeted category. In his mom’s words, you can’t be an excellent stay-at-home wife or mom if you can’t be a good homemaker, and she wants to ensure that.
What Happened Next?
OP’s boyfriend’s mom and all three of his brothers’ wives are SAHMs. Although OP respects their choice, OP knows she is not quitting her career and does not under any circumstances make her boyfriend, Eric, think she could compromise on that.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “I hate house chores, and I would rather buy homemaking gadgets and hire staff no matter the cost than have to do chores myself. I told my boyfriend’s mom all this, and it caused an argument that eventually ruined dinner and extension of our visit.”
What Does The Boyfriend Think?
She says her boyfriend doesn’t care whether OP is a working wife or a SAHW, but he thinks she should have just done the test because “it’s just a test,” and it’s not like they would reject me if OP failed it.
He ALSO thinks it’s a fun tradition everyone was looking forward to, and OP should have gone along with it anyways.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “My boyfriend thinks I’m the jerk and suggested I make this post. If I really am the jerk, I’m sure you guys will let me know, so am I?”
Not a Jerk
“No chance would I have accepted this nonsense. My free time is valuable. Spending it proving myself to folks who should accept me unconditionally is not even close to making the cut.”
Nope, You Are Right
“If your bf knew they would expect this from you he should have given you a heads up and let you know that it’s not serious but he would appreciate it if you went along with it, and it would mean a lot to his family. Then you would have had the opportunity to think about it rather than possibly offending his family/causing any conflict with your gut response.
For avoidance of any doubt, I absolutely would not be taking this test either and think you had every right to express your feelings on the matter.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.