When someone ruins a special occasion, it can be hard to forgive them and let go of your resentment.

A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my stepfather I might throw my graduation party in his face forever?”. Here’s the full story for your context.


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When the Original Poster (OP) graduated, their family threw a big graduation party for them. OP said they wanted their entire family to be there.

No Separate Celebrations

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If anyone wanted “separate celebrations”, they could just not celebrate, because it was OP’s big day and they’re sick of this nonsense. Everyone agreed and promised to be nice to each other.

OP’s Stepfather’s Unsolicited Advice

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At the party, things were going really well at first. Everyone was having fun. Then OP’s stepfather started giving their stepmother a bunch of unsolicited advice about her daughter and her daughter’s autism.

OP’s stepsister was also right there and could hear what he was saying. OP’s dad told their stepfather to walk away, but he kept insisting he knew what he was talking about because he’s “a teacher.”

The Party Got Ruined

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It eventually devolved into a screaming match where OP’s stepmother called him a worthless piece of stupidity and he called her a psychotic lady.

OP Pulled The Plug

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The party was ruined. OP got their grandparents to kick their stepfather out, but the mood was ruined, and OP’s dad’s side of the family quickly found excuses to leave, so OP pulled the plug on the party.

Tension Between OP And Their Stepfather

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Each time OP’s stepfather has tried to talk to them since then they’ve said “What’s up, the guy who ruined my graduation party?”. This really upsets him.

Stepfather Thinks It is NOT Fair

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OP’s stepfather said it’s not fair to blame him because OP’s stepmother acted just as poorly. OP said it is fair, and they absolutely blame him. He asked how long OP would blame him and keep throwing the party in his face. OP said maybe forever. He said OP was too old to be acting like such a little jerk.

OP’s Mom’s Advice

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“My mom asked me to be the bigger person and let sleeping dogs lie, but I’m not ready to do that. These dogs are very much awake and annoyed. Am I the jerk for that?”, asks OP.

Your Anger Is Justified

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“Not the jerk. Your anger is justified. That party was supposed to be about you, to celebrate you and it turned into a farce.

You made the effort to address this with everyone ahead of time, but they still went ahead and did exactly what you asked them *not* to do.

I know what it’s like to have parents who can not put their differences aside for their children. It’s selfish and childish and sometimes parents care more about being right and making a point, rather than putting the children first.”

‘Forgive & Forget’ Doesn’t Work All The Time

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“I’m so sick of older generations telling younger folks to ‘forgive and forget’. That’s some outdated dimwit right there. It doesn’t sound like your stepfather has ever accepted responsibility for his part.

The way your post reads, he likely never even apologized. The ‘adult’ thing might now be to cut all ties if possible. Remind him that until he sincerely (I hate to use this word) “repents” and shows contrition, then he hasn’t earned forgiveness.

Forgetting it will never happen, and it shouldn’t. When he is ready to demonstrate his maturity, only then, can he expect his step-child to do the same.”

They Couldn’t Do It For One Day?

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“I’m so tired of adults who can’t put aside petty differences for ONE DAY and it wasn’t even your mom and dad that fought! Your *stepfather* cannot have such intense beef with your *stepmother* that he couldn’t just be polite or not talk to her for literally one party.

From your comments both your dad and stepmother gave him opportunities to back off and not ruin the day, but he couldn’t control himself.

You are more than allowed to remind him about how his lack of control ruined what should have been a happy celebration for you.”

Your Mom’s Code Language Doesn’t Sound Right

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“Not the jerk. Your mother, apparently, is used to accommodating your stepfather. Being asked to be ‘the bigger person’ is code for ‘don’t rock the boat’.”

Forgiveness Isn’t For Everyone

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“Your stepfather acted very poorly and was given multiple civil opportunities to stop but ignored them. Most importantly he’s not apologized. You don’t forgive people who aren’t willing to apologize.”

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