A wedding is a joyous occasion celebrating the new life of the bride and groom. As such, it should be filled with happy moments and pleasant memories. Displaying photos of dead children at a wedding is inappropriate and disrespectful to the deceased and their families.
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for refusing to allow a photo of my future MIL’s miscarriages at my wedding?”
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) (26f) is planning her wedding with her fiance (27m) in a few months. She says that everything is going great, and she loves him so much. She can’t wait to spend her life with him.
She also added that her fiance loves her family, and she, for the most part, loves his family too.
CONTINUOUS MISCARRIAGES AND STILLBIRTHS
She says that her fiance has a much older brother. While her future MIL was pregnant three times in between them, all of them resulted in late miscarriages and stillbirths.
ALL THE LOVE AND ATTENTION ON HER FIANCE
As a result, her MIL put all of her motherly love and attention on her fiance.
HOW WAS OP’S FIANCE GROWN UP?
She says that her fiance had never tried a fruit or vegetable before she met him because his parents never made him when he was young, and he had grown up assuming they were gross.
She got him to try some, and he loves them.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
As they planned their guest list, they consulted their families about which and how many relatives they should invite.
WHAT DID HER FUTURE MIL SAY?
Her future MIL asked that they “invite” the fiance’s dead brother and sisters. When they asked what she meant, she wanted them to put up a framed photo of the dead babies in the pews at their wedding ceremony and then save them seats at their reception.
WHAT WAS OP’S REACTION?
OP says that she was horrified. She added that they are trying to have a fairly small wedding to start with and a beautiful, intimate venue.
WHAT WAS OP’S OPINION?
They can only have seats for 30-50 people, and she would like these places to be for their friends and family, not people who have never met either of them because they are dead.
WHAT WAS HER FIANCE’S OPINION?
Her fiance agrees that three of 50 seats reserved for dead people is too many. He suggested they compromise and let MIL put up all three photos in one seat.
HOW DID OP FEEL ABOUT IT?
Personally, OP thinks it’s gross and weird to include any of them. She says that they are starting their lives together.
They want to have a family, and it almost seems like a bad omen, but it means a lot to her future MIL, and it’s a fairly small ask. She also added that her fiance’s parents are paying for 75% of their wedding, and this is the only request she’s had.
She asks if she is a jerk.
IT IS WEIRD
“I have no words other than no goddamn way. That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard.”
IT WILL SHIFT THE FOCUS OF THE WEDDING
“Not to mention, it will shift the focus from the wedding as all of the friends and the bride’s family will be asking what the pictures are about. Also, where is the line?
If grandparents are no longer with us or believed aunts and uncles, can parents ask for pictures of those?
How about a compromise? I have seen this at other weddings, and it was very tastefully done. A small bouquet of flowers can be in a chair or other spot, and there can be a note in the program that they are there to “honor family members no longer with us?”
They can even go to MIL’s table at the reception.
I would say something like this – ‘Dear MIL, I’m concerned that the pictures could be upsetting or triggering for others who have suffered their own losses.
I, in no way, want to cause anyone grief or sadness during what is supposed to be a happy celebration. How about we compromise?
We can have a small bouquet on a chair, and we can either put in the program or the officiant can announce that they are for loved ones we have lost and cannot be with us to celebrate our special day.’ ”
YOUR FUTURE MIL NEEDS COUNSELING
“That would be so disturbing; no one wants to see pictures of a dead baby at a wedding.
My husband’s grandmother died shortly before our wedding, so we added an “in memory of” line to our wedding program to acknowledge her.
I truly hope your future MIL gets the counseling she needs.”
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