Raising children can be challenging, especially when they are prone to tantrums. However, it is important to avoid addressing these tantrums in a way that could escalate the situation in public.
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for making my daughter cry at a restaurant?”. Drop your views in the comments section!
Original Poster, OP’s (F45) daughter (12) decided 2 weeks ago she wants to be a vegetarian. OP was fine with that. She would support and encourage her if that’s what she wanted.
She Has Been Looking Down On Family
For the past two weeks, she has been looking down on the rest of the family with snooty comments like “You know that will just sit in your colon right?” and “It doesn’t make you THE murderer, but it definitely makes you the accomplice.”
“Her brother (7) is getting sick of it and so am I. Especially when I just get home from work and I just want to relax and enjoy my meal.”, says OP.
Three Days Ago
Three days ago was OP’s son’s birthday and they decided to take him out to his favorite restaurant. This place had vegetarian options so OP was not worried about her daughter being upset about that.
OP asked her if she wanted to go and she excitedly said yes. They get there and when the waiter takes their order, OP’s daughter decides she wants a mushroom burger.
OP said, “Woah, I thought you wanted to go vegetarian?”
OP’s Daughter’s Response
Her daughter says, “I’m taking a break since it’s a special occasion.” OP told the waiter to cancel that order and give them a few minutes.
What Did OP Do Next?
OP looked at her daughter and said, “Look here Missy, you have been nothing but a jerk these last few days with your passive-aggressive comments since going vegan, vegetarian, whatever! You either commit to it now or you get nothing at all.”
She didn’t even look at OP, she just flopped her head on the table and started crying the moment OP started talking.
The Chaotic Ending
OP’s husband did nothing but say, “Way to go”. Their daughter didn’t move her head the entire dinner, even when OP asked if they needed to talk outside.
Go to the bathroom to collect herself? Nothing. They got home and she just went to her room. OP’s husband thinks OP is the jerk because she had ruined a night out.
“Am I a jerk?”, asks OP.
Some More Context
OP later edited the post and added the following information:
“When I say Mushroom Burger, I mean a hamburger with sauteed mushrooms on top with melted cheese. It’s definitely not a portobello patty.”
Everyone’s In The Wrong
“Everyone’s in the wrong. Your daughter was being rude, but you are focusing on the wrong issue.
The issue is not that she is going back and forth about her dietary choices, the issue is that she is actively being rude to her brother and you. Why didn’t you address her comments the first time she said something and give her an appropriate consequence then?”
Demanding An Instant Commitment Is Ridiculous
“You’re the jerk. Demanding an instant commitment is ridiculous. Even adults have to explore their options in various ways as they consider committing to a lifestyle change. She’s 12. Starving her to punish her for being rude isn’t productive, but it could lead to an eating disorder.
You should have given her appropriate consequences as soon as she started criticizing others. But punish her rudeness, don’t punish her for still being in the exploring phase.”
You Should’ve Called Her Out Sooner
“Not the jerk. After the way she’s behaved I’d have called her out the first time she started the commentary. The restaurant was not the right place to jump her about it, but I would have made her get the veggie burger. Your son should get a do-over.”
Your Daughter Is Turning Into A Drama Queen
“Not the jerk. Your daughter is turning into a drama queen.
I hope she didn’t ruin your son’s birthday by flopping on the table crying through the dinner, I hope he still ordered what he wanted and had a good time without letting his sister’s drama ruin his evening.”
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