This is a question that many couples may face at some point in their relationship. On the one hand, it may seem unfair for one person to bear the entire financial burden of hosting their partner. On the other hand, some couples may view it as perfectly normal to share expenses, especially if they are planning a longer or more expensive trip.

A user asked the forum, Am I a jerk for expecting my girlfriend to pay for her stay at my family’s cabin?


Wooden beam log cabin amidst lush forest
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

The original poster’s grandparents own a big old cabin where every generation after them has enjoyed annual family vacations. 

Due to the cabin’s age, constant maintenance needs to be done. Every time they have replaced, fixed, or repaired something, another thing needs fixing.  They also started slowly renovating the cabin as the interior had become outdated.


Senior grey-haired woman wearing turtleneck sweater standing over isolated white background Pointing to the eye watching you gesture, suspicious expression
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

OP says those costs have become too much for my grandparents to handle alone, especially since their age means they can’t do much of the work themselves, and they need to hire professionals instead. 

This has caused them to implement a fee system.


Senior grey haired man holding bunch of fifty dollars banknotes over purple background with happy face smiling doing ok sign with hand on eye looking through fingers
Image Credit; Deposit Photos

The rule is every person from the age of 20 must pay an annual fee to be allowed to stay at the cabin. 

He says that the size of the fee varies as it is calculated according to how many people plan on using the cabin and how high the upkeep costs were the previous year.


Happy and funny cool old lady with fashionable clothes portrait on colored background - Youthful grandmother with extravagant style, concepts about lifestyle, seniority and elderly people
Image Credits: Deposit Photos.

He has happily paid this fee since the rule was implemented, and so have his parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Every summer, OP’s extended family tries to find a weekend during the summer when most of their vacations overlap so that they can all meet at the cabin and catch up.


Low angle portrait of beautiful family couple enjoying fresh air in the forest
Image Credits: Deposit Photos.

OP decided to invite his girlfriend along as he wanted to introduce her to this tradition, as she is someone he imagined spending many future summers at the cabin with. 

He says that she was ecstatic about meeting his extended family and going to the cabin, as she’s very curious about it after hearing him talk about it a lot.


couple fight
Image Credits: Deposit Photos.

OP sat her down and told her about the rule and how she needed to pay, as everyone else paid, and it was only fair for her to do so since she would be using the cabin when coming with me that year. 

He says that a year’s fee is around $200-400, depending on how many people use the cabin)due to a big roof leak and some substantial water damage.


Sad wife looking at her ring after fight with husband
Image Credits: Deposit Photos.

He also addressed that the idea of paying this fee upset her, and they had a big argument which she concluded by saying she would make other plans without him that summer.

OP says that the rule is straightforward and made completely fair to everyone. 

And he doesn’t understand why she thinks she should be exempt from it.


Couple having quarrel in cafe. Relationship problems
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

His brother told him that he should just pay the fee for her as his extended family would like to meet her, but OP doesn’t think that it’s fair for him to pay double the fee when she can pay it herself. 

OP asks if he is being a jerk


Image Credits: Deposit Photos

“She’s perfectly within her rights not to want to spend 200-400 dollars for a weekend at a shared, broken-down cabin. It’s not her family’s property, she has no emotional attachments to it, and she may never reap the benefits of fixing it up.”


wtf woman
Image Credits: Cookie Studio, Shutterstock

“$200-$400 for the pleasure of staying in a broken down cabin with a leaky roof; I can not imagine how moldy it smells. No thanks.”


Image Credits: Deposit Photos

“Exactly,  OP says it’s her responsibility if she wants to visit? No, it’s OPs responsibility, as he is bringing his GF as a guest!?

When you invite your GF for supper, too, you get her to pay for half the ingredients and your time?”

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