Imagine having the audacity to body shame someone you say you “love” and not finding anything wrong!
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my girlfriend she needs to lose weight before we can have ‘fun time’ again? She says it is partly my fault”. We need your verdict on the matter!
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) (27M) and his long-time girlfriend (31F) have been together for about seven years, excluding a 6-month break they had during COVID-19. She decided she wasn’t where she wanted to be and thought OP, who graduated only a few months before COVID-19 hit, was holding her back.
THEY GOT BACK TOGETHER
“After 2.5 months of being single and a terrible date or three (one of the dates attempted physical abuse), she asked me to get back together. I had one rebound with an old college crush.
But I had nothing serious going on, so I told her she needed to build back the trust I felt she had broken, but I would think it over. About 2.5 months later, I took her back. Besides minor disputes about how to split apartment upkeep, we are pretty drama-free,” says OP.
THE FAST FOOD ADDICTION
But as we all know, COVID-19 took forever to end. Both OP and his girlfriend work jobs that were positively affected by COVID-19. So they both started working a ton. 10-12 hour shifts, six days a week. With that, they slipped into a simple addiction to fast food and its convenience. So the pounds started going up.
“I am 5’9″ with a linebacker build even though I have zero interest in sports, and I went from 230 lbs (pound) to my highest being 285 lbs. (I have since got myself back down to 260).
My girlfriend, on the other hand, was already heavy when I got with her. During the first part of our relationship, I helped her lose weight by cooking myself and portion controlling both of us. Which she actively asked me to do,” says OP.
WHAT HAPPENED DURING THE BREAK?
During their break, OP’s girlfriend put back on all the pounds she lost before.
“She is 5’3″, and her starting weight when we got back together was 280ish, and she is 320 lbs now. She has made zero attempts to lose weight this time.
I am already putting more food on her plate than I used to (even when not dieting, she likes me to prepare her plate, always has). She will get up and get seconds,” says OP.
ANOTHER DOWNSIDE OF COVID
COVID-19 also had the downside of making them both too tired to have intimacy.
“Recently, I have been able to step back at work and have more time at home. She has been able to do the same but to a lesser extent,” says OP.
WHAT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT?
One night, OP’s girlfriend came home from work, showered, sent OP a picture of herself, and told OP to get her. He (OP) hasn’t had a physical relationship in ten months.
“I love this woman, and I would have already married her if not for the near-constant financial struggles brought about by student loans. But before me, all I saw was fat. I was still somewhat able to get myself up to the task. But even then, she could tell I wasn’t into it,” says OP.
THE CLIMAX
His (OP’s) girlfriend asked if OP was tired or what was up. He (OP) said she is a little too heavy for his preference, and they should try again once she loses some weight.
“She was upset that I would say such a thing, even though I was being open and honest.
I suggested we return to how we were for the first half of our relationship. With me cooking more often and portion control. Brought up the fact I have already been losing weight,” says OP.
IS OP BEING CONTROLLING?
OP’s girlfriend thinks OP is doing this to control her.
“I have never once told her that she can’t do something. I am always honest about my preference. But I don’t tell her she can’t do anything, i.e., She likes to dye her hair. I prefer natural hair. She dyes her hair anyway,” says OP.
THE POSSIBLY JERK-ISH STATEMENT
For this next part, OP thinks he was slightly the jerk.
“But you know how fights go. People say things they probably shouldn’t have. My next statement was essentially that. This isn’t about control. It’s about how it is super important to be attracted to a partner you’re considering spending the rest of your life with, and I’m not attracted to you being a tub of lard”, says OP.
THE DRAMA CONTINUES
“She then said that it’s my fault she’s this way. I purchased most of the fast food, which is true. But I think it’s a little bit beyond the point. I’m the one that loads her plate.
This, once again, is true but leaves out when you get seconds. Whatever portion I put on the plate is no longer relevant. It ended with her telling me she wanted the bed alone last night. After a night on the recliner, I still think I was primarily fair, but you tell me, am I a jerk?” asks OP.
SHE DESERVES BETTER
“You’re the jerk. Break up now; your girlfriend will never get over you calling her that. You’ve ruined the relationship, and she deserves better.”
ARE YOU FOR REAL?
“So you describe yourself as a linebacker while your girlfriend is a tub of lard. No, I can’t possibly see how she’s upset with you. I hope she drops another 230 lbs just for how lowly you talk about/to her.”
KEEP YOUR PREFERENCES TO YOURSELF
“You’re the jerk. People change over time. Our bodies change. We gain weight, lose weight, and gain weight again. We get gray hair, lose hair, get wrinkles, and find our bodies sagging in places we didn’t expect. Love transcends those changes.
If it doesn’t work for you, you’re with the wrong person. Plus, regardless of your attraction to her (or lack thereof), nothing gives you the right to cruelly degrade her by calling her names.
Also, hair dye is different from weight. Your girlfriend can change her hair color anytime. Changing her weight is very difficult. Keep your ‘preferences’ about her body to yourself.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.