Do you think a couple must fix their wedding date only after their immediate family’s approval?

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for refusing to fix a wedding date without consulting our parents?”. We need to hear your thoughts.


couple happy
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The Original Poster’s (OP’s)(26M) and his girlfriend (26F), Sarah, have been dating for a few years now. 


Low angle portrait of beautiful family couple enjoying fresh air in the forest
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“Our parents are fine with the relationship, and there were no issues at all.”, says OP. 


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OP asked Sarah’s hand for marriage today, and she said yes. She appeared excited enough for it, and then the conversation turned to what date they should perform the wedding. 

“I told her that we can fix a date after consulting both of our parents, and she appeared surprised.”, says OP. 


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Sarah asked OP why he wanted to consult the parents. They could fix the date among them and then inform them that they were getting married that day. 


couple fight upset
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OP told her he wouldn’t do that and said it’s not as if they’d refuse it anyway. 

“They’ve already approved the relationship, but it’s important to consult them before setting a date,” says OP. 


Couple having quarrel in cafe. Relationship problems
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Sarah attempted to convince OP to decide it themselves as it was “their life,” but when he refused point-black to entertain her, she accused OP of being a “momma’s boy” and that OP couldn’t think for himself. 


Couple having argument
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Next, Sarah got up and left and has not contacted OP since. 

“It’s been a few hours now. Am I a jerk?” asks OP. 


Young, pretty woman with a funny facial expression is surprised and puzzled and raises her hands in confusion. Isolated on white background. Close-up.
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“Not the jerk. It’s common to check in with important guests before settling on a date for something like a wedding. It’s also common not to settle on a final date until you confirm availability with your preferred venue. 

I don’t know what your fiance is about, but if this is how she deals with conflict, you should pause wedding planning until you two learn how to communicate better. 


young pretty woman looking puzzled, confused and stressed, wondering between different options, feeling uncertain
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“She is right! Grow up. You are forming a family with your significant other. Both of your families are now extended family members; their opinions do not count more than hers. If you aren’t ready for that, you aren’t ready for marriage. 

Your significant other wants to marry an independent adult male. Not a child who needs to clear things with mommy.” 


MODEL with scared expression, keeps hands on head, jaw dropped, has terrific expression. Omg concept
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“You’re the jerk. I was leaning towards everyone in the wrong, but you should not have refused to discuss it with her first; that was foolish and stubborn. 

Of course, you’ll want both families to be there, but you wrecked the whole thing by refusing to discuss it without talking to your parents.” 


Young woman portrait over grey background
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“Not the jerk. Not cool if either family can’t attend because they might already have plans they can’t change on those dates, and given how she called you ‘Momma’s boy,’ it seems like there are other underlying issues around your parents that make her look for reasons to start this kind of argument.”


puzzled beautiful fair-haired woman shrugs shoulders with open palms. she cannot find the sloution of problem,puzzlement. feeling and emotion
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“Not the jerk. It’s customary to check with close relatives and people you want in the wedding party if there are any dates they can’t do.” 

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