Imagine getting your work done in the most selfish way possible and then having the audacity to blame others!

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my neighbors they need to help their daughter cope?”. What’s your take on the matter?


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The Original Poster (OP) recently bought a semi-detached house, which was much more work than anticipated. They have to remove everything in the place down to its bonework. 


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OP’s new neighbors are elusive. OP knows there’s at least a dad and a daughter, and the daughter has additional needs. 

“We’ve been working for three months, and she has been having screaming fits every time we work with anything remotely noisy. There is also a son, and I know there is at least a mom somewhere, but I’ve never seen her”, says OP 


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Recently, OP’s family moved to the bathroom, which lines up with the neighbor’s daughter’s bedroom. 

“Now, the bathroom has been the worst room yet. Everything must be removed: the sink, bath, shower, toilet, windows, and even the walls. It’s bad,” says OP.


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He (OP) started with the bathroom thing four days ago. Immediately, the neighbor’s daughter started screaming so loud they could hear her over the tools and through their ear protection. 

When they continued the next day, her dad banged on OP’s door and explained that she was autistic and they were invading her space. The vibrations through the wall shook something off a shelf and broke. OP apologized, and the dad seemed happy with that.

“Later that evening, he came back, clearly in from work, and started lecturing my brother (the one helping me) and me, calling us inconsiderate jerks, and then left”, says OP.


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Yesterday, the neighbor was red in the face with rage, asking if OP and his brother are “heartless” to keep overwhelming his daughter. 

“I did catch sight of his daughter, and she did look distraught, so I apologized again but explained that I have to do it,” says OP. 


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Today, the dad knocked again and demanded OP and his brother move on from their drilling. He explained that his daughter hasn’t been able to recover from meltdowns and that it’s been a constant battle for days. He and she are both exhausted. 

“I apologized, again, but told him it was his job as a father to help her cope and we should not have to hinder our work for a child we don’t even know,” says OP.


Portrait Of Frustrated Couple Sitting On Couch Quarreling With Each Other
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The neighbor left, annoyed as hell, and since OP’s wife has been giving OP the cold shoulder. They’re expecting, and she’s calling OP a jerk, saying they would expect the same decency when their baby arrives.

“I understand why the dad is annoyed, but I am in a time crunch, and my brother and I are doing this solo (obviously excluding the hired help for things I’m not well versed in),” says OP.


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They’re continuing their work, but OP’s wife still isn’t talking to him. 

“She called me a jerk, and I’ve been relegated to the couch. The neighbors also seemed pretty annoyed when we left. So, am I the jerk here?” asks OP.


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“You’re the jerk. Your comments indicate that you are making a teardown renovation on an attached house exclusively after work hours with just one other person. So construction starts at 6 PM and lasts long past a typical kids’ bedtime because quiet hours legally start at 11 PM. 

Additionally, you are doing this for weeks on end. Instead of hiring help and blasting through sooner or taking work days off, you save money, but your neighbor suffers greatly. I hope they don’t take pleasure in waking your sleeping baby!”


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“You’re the jerk. You conveniently left out that for three months, you have been making all this noise every day from 5 PM to 11 PM because you work a day job, too. Yes, you are a major jerk for this alone. This isn’t a 1 to 2-week deal you’ve been doing for three freaking months. I’d be annoyed with you, too, and of course, your wife thinks you’re a jerk. 

How would you feel if, as soon as you move in and the baby arrives, your neighbor makes noise every night for 6 hours for three months? You are so entitled and dense.” 


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“As an autistic person myself, she’s being put through a lot. Annoying sounds are the absolute worst. I legitimately want to hit the television sometimes. I refrain because I have learned to cope, and they are expensive, and you can change the channel. That said, perhaps it would help to give them some noise-canceling headphones or suggest they invest in some. 

You aren’t trying to hurt her. You’re just working on your house. The world is just a different experience for us. Personally, sound can be just as beautiful as it is annoying, but I imagine even normal folk don’t want to hear construction all day.”


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“Talk to the dad about how to time the work so she isn’t in the bedroom or gets her headphones. Ask your wife’s advice on how to proceed. Do something to make things easier. You think you can ignore her because you don’t know her. What a huge jerk!”

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