It’s 2023 and some people still act as if parenting is solely a mother’s job. Not just that, they won’t even feel obligated to do the bare minimum when it comes to helping their spouse!
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for suggesting my wife lower her standards so that she’ll be less overwhelmed?”. Let us know what you think in the comments section!
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) (38m) and his wife (37f) have 3 kids, 12, 10, and 8. She is in a constant state of being overwhelmed and very easily irritated, constantly complaining about how it’s all too much.
“I’m of course happy to help and do my fair share for the kids or household, but it’s never enough because her standards are too high.”, says OP.
OP’s Wife’s Morning Rules
OP’s wife insists one of them has to be up at 6:45 every morning to make sure the kids are ready and make it to the bus which comes at 7:45. OP told her they’re old enough to not need that much help already.
“They can all dress themselves and pour themselves cereal and milk; there’s no reason we have to be up.”, says OP.
The Contradicting Opinions: Man Vs. Wife
OP’s wife says that cereal isn’t a good enough breakfast; they need something more substantial, especially the 12-year-old, and that the 10-year-old has ADHD and will definitely struggle without help in the morning anyway She wants to see them off and kiss them goodbye for the day.
“So, she gets up, I don’t, then she gets upset that I never give her a morning off when all she needs to do is just take the morning off when she wants and let the kids handle themselves.”, says OP.
Screen Time Conflict
Also, OP’s wife is super strict about screen time during the week and is exhausted and snappy from arguing about it with the kids upset. OP doesn’t support her strict limit of two hours a day.
“I say as long as homework is done, why not until bed.”, says OP.
Their Individual Takes On The Matter
OP’s wife says it’s not healthy for them, they need to play outside or with games and toys, read some books, and just entertain themselves in more ways than one.
“I agree they should enjoy other things but not see why we have to make such a rigid limit. She also likes to get out on weekends and do stuff like zoos, museums etc., but then complains about the planning for the outing and how grouchy the youngest gets by the end of it, and again, I say let’s just chill at home and voila, you’ve cut the work!”, says OP.
What Does OP Say?
“I’m an engaged and active parent, I’m not trying to get out of it, but I don’t think I should have to help my wife dig herself out of her own self-created holes.
She creates the stress for herself and then turns to me to alleviate it which I think is unfair. Am I a jerk for telling her she needs to do less and then she won’t need this level of help?”, asks OP.
You Sound Rather Checked Out
“You don’t sound like an active parent though. There are things a parent has to do for children in the mornings- your youngest is eight. Cereal is nothing but sugar, a lot of moms don’t want their kids to eat that every day. Two hours of screen time is generous, not strict. You sound rather checked out. You’re the jerk.”
Her Rules And Actions Seem Sensible
“You’re the jerk. Her rules and actions seem sensible. Three young kids getting up and getting themselves to school on their own sounds like a zoo and morning is a great time to have fun and productive parenting interactions.
Two hours of screen time is plenty, and it should not be permitted to displace other activities with strong positives such as reading and free play. You should be supporting her.”
How Exactly Are You An Engaged Parent?
“How exactly are you an engaged and active parent when you don’t help with your kids in the morning, let them watch screens the entire evening rather than engage with them, and would spend the weekend at home also on screens if allowed? You’re a jerk and TBH a terrible dad by the sounds of things.”
You Need To Be A Part Of It All!
“You’re the jerk. The mornings? Yeah, wake up. The kids do need more than cereal (yeah yeah I know we all just got cereal but kids get hungry with only that for breakfast) and an 8-year-old plus a kiddo with ADHD do need guidance. Get up. Be part of it.
Screen time of two hours a day? Yeah, more than reasonable, even generous for a school day.
Weekend plans can be more relaxed but OP also isn’t uptight.”
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