Forcing someone to go against their will and groom themselves according to your dream wedding standards is certainly not acceptable!

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for refusing to bleach my hair for a wedding?”. Here’s the full story for your context.


wedding bride upset
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

So, the Original Poster (OP) had a weird problem and after she told her boyfriend, he told her the internet would be the perfect place to get help.

OP (25 F) is meant to be at the bridal party of her friend Zoe’s (26 F) wedding in December 2024.

What Happened A Couple Of Days Ago?

Cute bride with bridesmaids lying on the bed
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

A couple of days ago, Zoe met with OP and the rest of the bridal party to discuss what the plan was for hair, makeup, dresses, etc.

At first, it seemed reasonable to OP. Zoe is going for a winter wonderland type of theme, so blue dresses (all in different shades, lined up as a gradient) with silvery accents, snowflake jewelry and soft makeup, even blue contacts for those of them without blue eyes.

“Last one’s a bit weird, but it’s no big deal to me, I’ve worn color contacts for Halloween.”, says OP.

The Problematic Bit

Two young brides in white wedding dresses fight against each other and beat with flowers
Image Credits: Deposit Photos.

The bit that ended up being an issue for OP is that Zoe requested they all get their hair dyed. A couple of members of the bridal group are natural blondes (with dyed ends), and so is Zoe (but she wants to go platinum for the wedding), but the rest of them are two brunettes, a strawberry blonde (she wasn’t “blonde enough”?), and a redhead.

“I’m one of the brunettes and I’m the only one in the group who has never dyed or bleached their hair.”, says OP.

Why Is OP Hesitant About Getting Her Hair Dyed?

Image Credits: Deposit Photos

OP has considered it, but she can never stay settled on what she wants to do, and she’d hate to spend money on something that she ends up hating. On top of that, OP’s mom spent from ages 5 to 13 flat ironing her hair almost every single day. It really damaged her hair.

“I’m almost certain it’s resulted in my hair being thinner than it used to be. I know bleaching can also damage your hair, and I don’t feel comfortable taking that risk yet.”, says OP.

What Happened Next?

Image Credits: Antonio Guillem, Shutterstock

OP told Zoe she wouldn’t be able to dye her hair. Zoe insisted it would be fine, as OP’s hair seemed quite healthy and she (Zoe) would be paying for the bleaching treatments for all of them. OP again said, “No, thanks so much, but I can’t”.

OP asked if she could just wear a wig and Zoe said no, that wigs are cheap and unnatural, and she wants them to have their real hair bleached instead of some cheap imitation for the day.

A Few Moments Later

Beautiful women fighting angry looking each other strong expression isolated.
Image Credits: Deposit Photos.

After more back and forth, Zoe told OP she should go home and think about the fact that she is (OP is) ruining her (Zoe’s) vision and that OP would be ruining the photos and wedding video that Zoe and her fiancé (30 M) will be putting together for his grandparents (84 M & 82 F) to view, since they won’t be able to fly in from Argentina.

OP apologized, paid for her meal, and left.

“I really don’t want to dye my hair, but I also don’t want to ruin Zoe’s picture-perfect day. I don’t think I’m being difficult or wrong here, but am I?”, asks OP.

Some More Context

Image Credits: Anetlanda, Shutterstock

OP later edited the post and added the following information:

“For a little clarification on how things stand and what’s expected, I’m a 6-7 on the hair color scale. The other brunette is a 5. Zoe wants the six of us to be at 9-10. She only wants herself to be platinum. She currently sits at a 10 on the scale.

Also, I do not have dark eyes. My eyes are green. Two of the other girls do have light brown eyes though.”

You’re Not The Jerk Here

Young Russian girl isolated on yellow background having doubts while raising hands
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

“They make very realistic lace fronts these days. Bleaching your hair is extreme and very bad for your hair, I would bow out of the wedding altogether if I couldn’t wear a wig. you’re not the jerk here.”

Zoe’s Demands Do Not Make Sense

stupor surprised funny face expression
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“Not the jerk. Zoé’s demands go far beyond a wedding. You shouldn’t be forced to make a major change to your look for her day and her photos. If she didn’t want a brunette, she shouldn’t have chosen a brunette or should have let you know before you agreed to be part of the party.

Hang in there and don’t bleach your hair, it’s not worth it. You’re not ruining her marriage, she’s the one ruining it by not anticipating the fact that you’re a human being with your own choices and that you were likely to refuse.”

Step Down Right Away

Young woman over isolated pink background with surprise facial expression
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

“Not the jerk. Step down, step down right now. This wedding is going to get really demanding before it’s over. The bride doesn’t have a vision, she has a delusion! Also, saying wigs are ‘cheap and unnatural’ but thinking bleach blonde hair isn’t is absolutely hilarious to me.”

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