People who organize fancy destination weddings need to realize that not everyone can afford to make it to their big day unless they themselves take charge of the guests’ travel expenses.
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for refusing to attend my sister’s destination wedding?”. Let us know what you think in the comments section!
Backstory
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) sister (28F) recently announced that she’s having a destination wedding in a tropical paradise.
“Sounds amazing, right? Well, here’s the catch: she expects everyone to pay for their own travel and accommodations.”, says OP.
The Problem
Now, OP (32F) loves her sister and wants to support her, but attending this wedding would be a huge financial burden for OP. She’s been saving up for a down payment on a house, and the cost of the trip would set her back significantly.
The Conversation Between The Sisters
When OP told her sister that she couldn’t afford to go, her sister got really upset and accused OP of not caring about her happiness. She even said that OP is being selfish for prioritizing her financial goals over her sister’s big day.
What Does OP Say
“I tried explaining my situation and suggesting alternative ways to celebrate her wedding, like throwing her a local reception or helping with wedding planning, but she wasn’t having any of it.”, says OP.
What Happened Yesterday
Yesterday, OP found out her sister had been telling their extended family, who were also going to the wedding, that OP had refused to pay for her share and told her that she was a “snobby brat” for making everyone pay for themselves to go to her wedding.
OP’s phone has been blowing up with texts and calls either defending her or calling her rude, a brat or selfish.
OP’s Thoughts Right Now
“Now, I’m feeling guilty and torn. On one hand, I don’t want to miss my sister’s special day, but on the other hand, I don’t want to sacrifice my financial stability. Am I a jerk for refusing to attend her destination wedding?”, asks OP.
There’s More To The Story
“Not the jerk. I’ve said it elsewhere here, but will repeat it again: Often, these wedding packages offer free things, or discounts, for the bridal couple if their guests pay the full price.
So, your sister may be harassing you because it’s built into the guest pricing that your costs would be helping to pay for her wedding or accommodation.
She’s literally calling you selfish because she wants you to pay for her wedding.”
Your Sister Is Doubly The Jerk
“Not the jerk. When people have a destination wedding and they don’t pay for travel/accommodations (usually the bride & groom do not), they cannot be upset when invitees cannot attend due to cost.
Your sister is doubly the jerk, as she is now lying to the family about your conversation.”
She Should’ve Known This Beforehand
“Not the jerk. Anyone planning an out-of-town wedding should know that some people won’t be able to attend due to financial, work, or other reasons. Whining to your family about your decision makes your sister a jerk.”
You Are Free To Decline
“Not the jerk. She chose a destination wedding knowing that many people wouldn’t be able to attend. She’s free to make that choice and you are free to decline. You are not required or obligated to sacrifice your own financial health in order to make her pretty princess dreams come true.”
Put Your Financial Health First
“Not the jerk. Put your financial health first. Sister is being manipulative and trying to guilt you. She told you you didn’t care about her happiness and you were selfish. That’s just good gaslighting.
I think she let the cat out of the bag with what she told everyone else. She said you refused to pay for your share. To me, that sounds like sister is expecting everyone to front the cost of her wedding.”
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