A man has planned a trip with his friends and informed his wife. His wife is now asking him to cancel the trip at the last minute. Is this fair?
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for not canceling a boy’s trip upon my wife’s request?”. We want you to decide if this is wrong.
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) (33M) and his wife (32F) have a 1-year-old son. Back when he was five months old, OP and his friends began planning an annual golf trip that would take place six months later.
When OP and his friends had tentative dates and locations, he asked his wife if it was okay for him to go. She gave him approval, and he began to plan.
He also found an Airbnb and booked flights.
SCENARIO AFTER 5 MONTHS LATER
Fast forward to 5 months, a couple of weeks before the trip. Their son was amid a sleep regression, waking up several times each night.
His wife still breastfeeds him, and he says that his son would not accept it when he’d wake up upset. As a result, she was left doing all of the tendings to him during the nights.
WHAT DID HIS WIFE TELL?
One day she approached him and said she didn’t want him to go anymore and that he needed to stay home because she was afraid it would be too much for her alone.
WHAT WAS OP’S RESPONSE?
He told her he understood why she was anxious about it, but she had agreed to him going already, and he had committed about $1k plus had Airbnb in his name for all 12 of them.
HOW DID HIS WIFE REACT?
This evolved into an argument, and she was mad that he would not change his mind. He told her that he would gladly return the favor on a trip if she wanted to plan one and encouraged her to do so.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
During his trip, she sent him texts and called him, very upset. When he returned home, they had another argument about it.
They reconciled, but he knows her stance on it has not changed, nor has mine.
He asks if he is a jerk.
OP’S CLARIFICATION
He says that he has been asked to comment on the length of the trip and if he coordinated help for her before he left.
He coordinated help, but she wasn’t comfortable with someone else watching him then. The trip was two days, three nights.
SHE CAN NAP THROUGHOUT THE DAY
“Honestly, I don’t understand all these people that can’t handle taking care of a kid by themselves. I know this comment will cause me to have downvotes, but it’s okay. Like, okay, she can put the kid in bed with her and breastfeed the baby there.
Then she can nap throughout the day. What happens if the husband is on a business trip? She will be okay. But when you get back, make sure you take the baby for a couple of days.”
IT IS NOT A BIG DEAL
“The situation is unfortunate, but single parents manage to survive without a partner all the time; one week is not the end of the world. People seem to be forgetting that here.”
IT IS NOT AN EMERGENCY
“Sleep “regression” is tough to deal with, but it’s not an emergency. As a mom of three, I have spent years tied down breastfeeding and tending to one infant after another while my husband traveled for work for at least half the month.
The wife in this story has taken a vacation from their ONE child, but somehow when it’s the father’s turn, he’s arrogant and ignorant for wanting to go?
I feel sorry for him; his wife is such a snowflake that she can’t hunker down for a week or so, take naps when the child does, etc. Or call friends and family if she needs a break while her husband is away.”
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