Can “taking care of your children” be considered a gift to your spouse while they enjoy a vacation with their friends on the beach? (Mind you, we’re talking about Mother’s Day gifts here.)
What Is The Question
A social media user recently asked, Am I a jerk for not getting my wife anything on Mother’s Day? We need you to find out.
Backstory:
OP (34M) did not buy or get anything for his wife on Mother’s Day, and here’s what he has to say in his defense:
What Does He Say
“Let me explain why. My wife and her friend planned a four-day beach trip, which fell on Mother’s Day. So I thought that since I was watching the kids while she was gone, that would count as a gift since she wouldn’t be here to celebrate that day and would get home that night on Mother’s Day.
What Does She Realise
She gets home and realizes that I didn’t do anything for her and later tells me that she is upset and the message was received loud and clear. I tried to explain my reasoning and thought process, but she disagreed. So Am I a jerk?”
Let’s have a look at other people’s opinions.
That Is Your Duty, Not A Gift!
“You’re the jerk. Caring for the kids should be part of your regular duties, not a present/gift.” Said one.
“Why do dads think that caring for their own kids deserves special recognition? We need to stop handing out gold stars for mediocrity.” Another asked.
Those Choices Come With Responsibilities
“Was it too difficult to go buy some flowers? Or even a card? Did you even wish her a happy Mother’s Day? At least by text?
How many times does SHE watch the kids while you do whatever you want? Being a husband and a father are choices that you made. Those choices imply some responsibilities, such as watching your kids, helping out in the house, etc, AND showing that you care about your partner!”
Letting Your Partner Enjoy A Break Is Indeed A Gift
“Unpopular opinion – but you’re not the jerk!
As a mom of three little ones under five, handling kids on your own while the other parent is on a trip is sort of a gift.
My partner and I parent 50/50 so if one person gets to go on a trip to the beach, the other has to deal with the kiddos. Therefore it is so much more tiring being alone with the kids than watching the kids together.
So on the rare occasions where one of us gets a weekend to ourselves, we are so so grateful for our partner – so much so that yes – I would consider that “parenting” alone a gift because the other gets a break.
That being said, if your wife’s love language is “gifts”, and knowing that you didn’t buy her any flowers, I can see why she would be mad.”
You’re Not Wrong But You Could’ve Contributed At Least
“Unlike some of the answers here, I do believe that if you’re watching the kids for four days straight and allowing your spouse to get away for a trip, that is a gift. That goes way beyond what some people are calling “babysitting.”
That being said, one of the things you should’ve done while parenting this weekend was getting the kids to make cards or something for your wife to come home to. And contribute a little something yourself.”
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