Is it always necessary to prepare a wedding speech? If you don’t have one, is it okay to not listen to other who have something to share?
An internet user recently asked, “Am I a jerk for refusing to listen to MIL’s speech at my wedding?” We want you to decide.
Backstory:
So OP hates speeches. She never understood the appeal. She thinks they are tedious, exhausting, and very very forced but having said that this is just her opinion and she never forced it on anyone.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “I have sat through long excoriating speeches without complaining like any other decent human being.”
What Happened When OP Got Married?
However, when it was her turn to get married, OP requested no speeches. She and her husband wrote that they loved everyone and that they knew everyone loved them too, so if someone wants to say anything, they must say it to them directly, in private.
OP’s Husband Found It Funny
OP’s husband thought it was funny but he knew her feelings about speeches. They had a small wedding with only loved ones. It was a weekend long. Her husband loves games, so the wedding planner did a great “taskmaster” type of game and everyone appreciated it.
What Happened When Dinner Came?
Dinner came, and OP’s MIL stood up and started by saying (I know we are forbidden to make speeches by the bride, but this is my only son getting married, so I will say what I want to….)
OP didn’t hear the rest because she was seeing red. Her sisters and bridesmaids were shocked. OP pretended like she wasn’t talking and continued her conversation with her girls. They did the same.
How Did They React?
OP’s MIL was furious, both SILs were furious and her husband was very angry that it showed in his profile, he refused to look at OP.
Night Was Awkward
The rest of the night was awkward. Her husband’s side was sulking in their seats. She wanted to make sure it wasn’t ruined for the rest of them, and they ended up having a blast. The next day she spent it with her family and friends.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “My husband said that I was very wrong in what I did. I couldn’t force MIL to shut up, and he knew she wouldn’t no matter how much we told her. I shouldn’t have disrespected and humiliated her like this. Our marriage started on the wrong foot it seems. Am I a jerk?”
Some More Context
OP later edited the post to add the following information –
“PS: MIL loves making speeches, sometimes 15min long and not unusually mean speeches (disguised as humor that often isn’t appreciated at all by the speakeé).”
Looks Like The Umbilical Cord Was Never Severed
“Well, that’s unfortunate that the day you got married you found out your husband is always gonna pick his mom over you. Such disrespect from MIL. You ain’t a jerk.” Said one.
“Yup, that’s a bad way to find out the umbilical cord was never severed. Your husband chose his mother’s happiness over yours, on your wedding day.” Another added.
Both Of You Are In The Wrong
“She did the ONE thing you told her not to do, but… it’s not all about you. Your husband also has a family of people, and you were rude to them.
But then again she was also rude to YOU, while *acknowledging* that she was blatantly ignoring your wishes.
Yeah, everyone is weird here, MIL is entitled (“I’ll do what I want”) and is a lot more awful, but everyone’s awful.”
You Were BLATANTLY RUDE!
“You for being so blatantly rude and disrespectful to your mil; your mil for disregarding your wishes.
I totally feel you on the speeches and we didn’t allow speeches on our wedding day either. But I also don’t think being rude and disrespectful was necessary. I understand being upset/angry, but you could have handled it a lot differently. No one will remember the speech, but everyone will remember how you acted.”
That’s How You Set An Example, Though
“Everyone is talking about how you disrespected your MIL and scoop to her level. However at the same time if you did nothing, it was gonna show she can continue to go against your wishes. She found out what happens when she does.
For that reason, I will go with ‘NOT THE JERK’. A life long of being disrespected by your mil is not what anyone wants. Your mil refuses to show you respect at your wedding so why should you? If she wants it she has got to earn it. She only got a basic level and got to earn more.
I would tell your husband you will apologize as long as his mom does too.”
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