Unbelievable ingratitude! Some people push the limits. An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my husband that if he doesn’t like the way I parent his kid, he should give her daughter to her alcoholic mother?”. Here’s the whole story for your context!


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The Original Poster (OP) never felt the need to have kids. She knew she could not have children from a very young age due to a medical condition, and she made peace with this long ago.


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She (OP) has married her husband for three years and adores his daughter. “She’s a literal ray of sunshine joy,” says OP. 

Her husband has been honest with OP from day one that his daughter will always be his first priority, something that OP admired about him. 

“I also understood that he will never be able to leave her with her mother because she has a drinking problem that can lead to violence,” says OP. 


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However, OP’s husband recently started being very judgemental of everything OP and his daughter do together. His daughter is now seven years old, and a few months ago, she fell during practice and fractured her arm. He was apprehensive about her, and OP was, too. 


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He has always been very protective of her. When OP told him that he should relax, she’ll be alright, and that he can’t control every aspect of her life, he told OP that he’d never be someone like OP’s father.

“That hurt me, but I let it slide,” says OP. 

After this incident, OP’s husband started throwing comments here and there about how she is careless with his daughter, how she’s not fit to be around her, or how she sometimes acts so childish. 


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A few days ago, OP was going to pick her up from school, but she (OP) was 15 minutes late due to a work hold-up while he was on a business trip. She (OP) felt that the little girl was upset about waiting this long because she never had to wait this long before, but she didn’t complain. 

OP just felt it. She was not as upbeat as usual, so OP decided to cancel her plans for the weekend and spend some time with her with the promise that all studies would be done on Sunday, which almost always was the usual case. 


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They had what their daughter called ‘girls only day till dad comes home.’ We went shopping, ate out, had a Disney marathon, and spent time by the backyard pool. That was over two days till OP’s husband came back home. 

“I told him what we did over the few days he was away, which I have, of course, mentioned over the phone when we talked, or his daughter mentioned when he called her,” says OP. 


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OP’s husband’s reaction was not what she expected. His first words to OP were, “Do you think you can be a proper mother figure for once in your life?” a sentence that still bothers OP and echoes in her head. 

“We had a big argument which ended with me saying that if he doesn’t see me as a proper mother figure to his daughter, he should send her to live with her real mother,” says OP. 


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She (OP) still feels bad about saying this, and she knows it will upset her if he separates their daughter from OP. 

“Because I have honestly grown very attached to her. Though, still, I do not know if there is something I am not seeing or if there is something I fail to understand. Maybe I do not have the instinct to mother a child, or I do not see it as big of a responsibility as it should be. I do not understand. Am I the jerk here?” asks OP. 


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“Your husband is overreacting. You should have a talk with him about the change in attitude from him. That kind of behavior is couples therapy level stuff if it continues.”


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“Not the jerk. You’re doing so much for your husband and his daughter. He’s ungrateful and needs a reality check. It would help if you had a discussion with him about what he wants from you but also stand your ground.

You’ve built a beautiful relationship with the little girl; he shouldn’t be ruining it. Also, what’s this insult he threw at you about your father? Your husband is sounding toxic as hell!”


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“Your husband sounds like a mess. He sounds like a controlling idiot and a bad dad. Does he not see how lucky his daughter is to have you? It sounds like he is jealous of you.

This is yet another cautionary tale to make sure everything is perfectly clear and transparent when you get involved with someone with children. Will they respect you and your relationships with their children, or will they continue to be wrapped up in all the drama and insecurities they have with their ex and take it out on you?”


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“Not the jerk. You are amazing. Most mothers don’t have the energy for all that. This man sounds toxic, and you should probably consider someone who appreciates all you give to their children. You’re like Julie Andrews! They should only be so lucky. I think he’s jealous.” 

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