It’s normal for new parents to feel anxious and protective of their children, but if your anxiety is disrupting your and your family’s peace of mind, it’s a sign that something is off. A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for saying my wife will have to quit her job if we get booted from another daycare?”. Here’s the full story for your context.


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The Original Poster (OP) and his wife have a 3-year-old daughter, Alexis. Both of them work and Alexis has attended daycare since she was 1. In the 2 years since they have been asked to leave 2 programs because OP’s wife is a micromanager.

“I admit both of us went into the first program not really understanding daycare. I quickly learned that they can’t provide personalized care and after learning from her teachers, I reset my expectations.

My wife, however, has a lot of anxiety and worries about our daughter. She hates it when she gets even a little upset. **She’s in therapy and is working on it.**”, says OP.

The First Program

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In the first program, OP’s wife would constantly watch the live feed and call the daycare multiple times a day. They had several talks about it and the school talked to them twice. OP’s wife ended up screaming at one of the teachers and then the director. They were terminated immediately.

What Happened With Second

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The second daycare was a little better because OP’s wife began therapy.

“But my wife was still so nervous and had a complaint every single day. These were not important things, small things like she saw another child take a toy from Alexis and she would cry. The teacher would give the toy back to Alexis but my wife didn’t understand why the other child wasn’t punished for it.”, says OP.

The Second Program

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This daycare didn’t kick them out but eventually suggested that this may not be the best program for them. OP and his wife decided to pull Alexis out. OP’s wife because of her anxiety had burned bridges and was becoming “one of those moms”.

The Home Daycare

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They chose a smaller home daycare this time as they couldn’t afford another center. The woman who owns it is very nice but also firm. She stands by her boundaries and won’t let OP’s wife break any rules, whereas the centers were definitely more accommodating.

OP’s wife would take any inch she got. This time, she doesn’t get that opportunity. OP thought all was well as the owner only speaks to his wife for the most part.

The Chaos In The Group Text

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Then, OP gets to put in a group text saying his wife has been bombarding the owner with texts every day, despite the owner saying she will text her at lunch when things are settled.

She said at this point, she will only be responding at specific times of the day and not looking at the rest. The owner then sent several pages of the contract with passages highlighted, reminding them of certain policies OP’s wife had violated.

What Did OP Do Finally?

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OP was annoyed. When Alexis went to bed that night, OP and his wife talked. OP said this was their last option for daycare. The other centers are too expensive, and this was the only home daycare in the area that they like. A nanny is not in their budget.

OP’s wife made a million excuses, including that it’s not her fault she’s anxious. OP said if they are asked to leave this program too, his wife will be the one quitting her job to watch Alexis, not OP. This upset his wife.

“I pointed out I’ve spoken to her kindly about this plenty of times. I encourage her to keep up her therapy. But she can’t keep getting us kicked out of programs. My wife is now not speaking to me. Am I a jerk?”, asks OP.

The Future Is Scary

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“Not the jerk. To keep it 100% honest with you. 20 years down the line, your daughter is going to hate your wife and there’s a high chance she will not be part of your lives.

Your wife is the exact definition of a toxic helicopter parent, she’s going to not only ruin your life (already in that process), your daughter’s life in the future, and her own life.”

This Isn’t Healthy At All

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“Not the jerk. Your wife is harassing and abusing the daycare workers. She needs to be in therapy and you both need to be in counseling together. She needs to talk to her doctor about postpartum anxiety. This isn’t healthy or liveable and she likely needs more than just talk therapy.”

This Needs To Be Nipped RIGHT AWAY

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“Not the jerk. This needs to be nipped NOW. Your daughter will be picking up on her mom’s anxiety already. Your poor daughter – I grew up with a mom like your wife, and it gave me crippling anxiety issues I still struggle with.

Your wife is a real piece of work for refusing to deal with her issues to your daughter’s detriment. Is she always this selfish?”

Your Wife Has SERIOUS Issues

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“What on earth made you think daycare would be personalized? And what’s your wife gonna do when the kid goes to school? The kids are gonna get embarrassed for one thing. Not the jerk. Your wife has issues.”

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