At some point in our lives, we’ve all developed an emotional connection with one of our nonliving possessions. 

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my wife to let our daughter wear her sneakers?”. Here’s the whole story for your context.


18. watching movie with kids
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The Original Poster (OP) (35M) has four kids with his wife; their oldest daughter is 15. She got a pair of red Air Force 1s in 6th grade for her birthday. She bought them herself. 

“We were poor and in the shelter, and she had enough money saved up to buy herself something nice,” says OP. 


Closeup portrait of a funny redhead teenage girl with childish hairstyle smiling happily isolated on white backround.
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Their daughter is in 10th grade and still fits them, but they’re dirty. She cleans them when possible, but the dirt doesn’t come off. So OP’s wife doesn’t like letting her wear them. 


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This morning, OP’s daughter tried to sneak and wear them, but OP’s wife made her take them off and offered a different pair of sneakers. 

“Our daughter didn’t want to wear the black huaraches offered, and she wanted to wear the red Air forces. She had a red and black outfit on, and the shoes matched it,” says OP. 


Mother yelling at daughter with phone
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OP’s daughter was frustrated that OP’s wife said to change it and ended up changing her whole outfit.

“Wife got mad and told her to stop the attitude, and the daughter left for school,” says OP. 


Upset young asian woman touching her head, thinking about divorce, angry middle aged man husband shouting at his wife, kitchen interior. Domestic abuse, violence in marriage concept
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He (OP) told his wife he thinks she should just let her wear the sneakers and that it’s not like Child Protective Services (CPS) will come just because her sneakers are dirty. 

“My wife says that she shouldn’t be wearing dirty sneakers and wants to throw them away,” says OP. 


1. couple fight
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OP’s wife said she’d throw them away today but wants to do it while their daughter is at school. But OP thinks she should leave it alone. 

“I told her to just pick and choose her battles wisely. I don’t mind the dirty sneakers; they’re old, and she likes them, and it’s not hurting anyone. Am I a jerk?” asks OP. 


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“Not the jerk. Your wife is being too controlling. She’s 15 and old enough to understand what she wants to wear. Would be a huge mistake to throw them away.”


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“Not the jerk, and if your wife makes the huge mistake of trying to throw them away, your daughter will hate her for a long time. Your wife needs to examine why she has a problem with dirty sneakers when no one else cares about it.”


Young, pretty woman with a funny facial expression is surprised and puzzled and raises her hands in confusion. Isolated on white background. Close-up.
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“Not the jerk, and stop your wife from throwing the sneakers away. It will hurt your kid. 15 is old enough to decide what to wear. Your wife shouldn’t be so controlling. Plus, the shoes belong to the kid, not to you or your wife, and she bought them with her own money. Dirty sneakers are fine. Most teens don’t have shoes in pristine condition.”


Young brunette woman standing over white background pointing displeased and frustrated to the camera, angry and furious with you
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“Not the jerk. Your wife is missing a huge point here. When your daughter felt she had nothing, she bought herself something, and those sneakers are a symbol. Throwing them away without her consent would be a bad idea. Is there any way to get them cleaned professionally?” 


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“Not the jerk. Your daughter is a teenager, loves her shoes, and wants to wear them. Throwing them away when she is not there will cause a huge fight and a rift between mother and daughter.”  


Beautiful young caucasian woman wearing casual winter sweater disgusted expression, displeased and fearful doing disgust face because aversion reaction. with hands raised
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“Not the jerk. The shoes hold meaning for your daughter, and I don’t understand why your wife is choosing this hill to die on. I agree; throwing them out while your daughter is not home would be awful; she’d be throwing away any trust your daughter has in you guys as well.” 

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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.

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