Being ungrateful is one thing, and being insensitive to someone’s misery is another! A netizen asked, “Am I a jerk for yelling at my pregnant sister-in-law and telling my husband to choose me or her?”. We’re all ears for your opinion!
BACKSTORY
Original Poster (OP) (29 F) has been married to her husband for eight years. About two months ago, she had her third miscarriage (31 weeks).
“I won’t be talking about it because it makes me feel depressed, but you’ll need to remember this,” says OP.
FOUR MONTHS AGO
About four months ago, OP’s sister-in-law (20) came crying at their doorstep, telling them she was pregnant and her boyfriend didn’t want anything to do with the pregnancy and had nowhere to go.
“My husband and I openly took her in, welcomed her into our home with open arms,” says OP.
For the first few weeks, it was hard for OP’s Sister-In-Law (SIL), which was understandable. OP sat with her for hours, holding her when she cried, binging their favorite TV shows, and eating unhealthy quantities of ice cream.
“It was bonding for us (so I thought),” says OP.
HERE’S WHERE IT STARTS GOING DOWNHILL
OP takes pride in her neat, clean home. Her SIL, on the other hand, did not. She would leave her clothes all around the house, leave her dirty dishes wherever, and even go as far as leaving her private toys on their living room table.
She (OP) tried to talk to her SIL directly before she talked to her (OP’s) husband. Her SIL immediately started crying and told OP she’d try to be cleaner. OP hugged her and told her it was okay, but this was a clear boundary for OP. SIL told OP it wouldn’t happen again.
IT ONLY GOT WORSE
But it only got worse, and she told OP that OP was expected to do her laundry and dishes and clean her room daily because she was pregnant.
“Well, I do understand how hard it is being pregnant. I couldn’t allow myself to feel like a maid in my own home. (disclaimer: I bought this house, not my husband. it was all me.) Not to mention the recent loss of my child”, says OP.
HUSBAND’S HURTFUL REACTION
She (OP) told her husband, but what he said to OP shocked her. His exact words were, “Hunny, she’s going through a lot right now. We really should be helping her out. Plus, it might make you feel better to care for someone pregnant”.
OP was annoyed. “Make me feel better, how? I know she’s going through a lot, and we need to help her, but I believe letting her stay with us was good enough. While I don’t want to invalidate her pain, my husband and I were also going through our problems”, says OP.
THEY MOVED ON
Anyways, they moved on. OP did her best to maintain work and the household chores. OP’s husband works from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., so he isn’t around to help much. OP works full-time from home, so it’s been super stressful.
“When I even try to ask for help from my SIL, she always makes excuses. Even if she’s watching TV.”, says OP.
THE ONE THING OP LOVED
The one thing that pushed OP over the edge was when OP went out to buy the food that she (OP) had enjoyed eating after her miscarriage. OP wrote her name on it and asked her SIL not to eat it.
“Well, I went to my fridge to get it, and you’ll never guess. SIL ate it. Now, you may think, ‘It’s just food.’ I buy all the groceries and basically pay all the bills. I don’t mind people having some of my food, but the one thing I ask not to be touched gets touched”, says OP.
HUSBAND DISMISSES IT AGAIN
She (OP) told her husband, and of course, he rubbed it into OP’s face that she’s pregnant, OP needs to be less selfish, and life is about sacrifices.
“I was so upset I told him I felt like he and her were the horrible roommates people talk about on social media. He didn’t take that well”, says OP.
BABY SHOWER
OP’s SIL planned a random baby shower party at OP’s house.
“I didn’t know if I could even be home when this happened. I felt so hurt that SIL wouldn’t talk to me knowing everything that has happened and that she would invite random strangers into another person’s home before asking them”, says OP.
WHAT DID OP’S HUSBAND ASK OP TO DO?
OP’s husband urged OP to go. OP told him it would permanently affect her and her SIL’s relationship. So, OP told him she’d go. About halfway through the party, OP’s husband and SIL announced that they wanted to show the nursery to everyone.
OP WAS HURT
“I was confused, nursery? Was she staying that long? What room did she turn into a nursery? They told everyone to head upstairs, and that’s when it hit me. They were talking about my nursery for my baby that I had just lost. A wave of emotions hit me when I saw everyone in my baby’s nursery telling her what a good job they did setting it up. My setup, which was meant for my baby, that my body failed to give me.”
HOW DID OP REACT?
“I just lost it. I started sobbing, and then that sadness turned into pure rage. I started yelling at my SIL, telling her she was the foulest human for putting me through everything she had for the last few months and making me feel like a maid or an object for her convenience.
Through choked-up tears, I turned to my husband, whose jaw was on the floor. I turned my head to see his entire family just staring at me. I lost it again. Yelling, I looked at my SIL, telling her, ‘How dare she use my nursery for my baby, how dare she think she has the right,'” says OP.
ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE
What OP’s SIL told OP made her fall to her knees sobbing.
“It’s not my fault you couldn’t produce a child. Why let this go to waste? You’re so selfish.” OP’s husband tried to pick me up off the floor, but OP yelled again, standing to her knees, which were now shaking, “Pick her or me.” He couldn’t even muster up anything to say.
“I looked at him and saw pure betrayal on his face. I pushed past the crowd of family and ran straight up here to type this out. Even if no one sees this, it’s helped me let these emotions out. Now’s the point where I ask, am I a jerk?” asks OP.
THIS IS AWFUL
“OP, I am so beyond angry on your behalf. You are not the jerk in any way. Tell them all to get out. There is no coming back from this. This is so awful.”
GET RID OF THEM BOTH
“Not the jerk! Please get rid of them both. Your husband is a jerk, and so is his leech of a sister. What a wretched family also, 31 weeks is considered a stillbirth. I’m so sorry you have been put through this. I hope you have someone who you can get support from.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.