In a relationship, it’s vital to honor each other’s cultures and traditions. However, it’s also essential to be open-minded and understand that not everything one person enjoys will be to the liking of the other. For instance, there might be situations where someone from a different cultural background doesn’t particularly enjoy a specific cultural food.
The Original Poster (OP) took it to the forum, and asked “Am I wrong for refusing to let my husband ‘fix’ my cultural food?”. We want to know from you.
OP is an Indian American, and she’s married to a man who is German/Irish/Polish American. They have been living together for almost 2 years and have been married for 1 year.
WHO COOKS DINNER?
OP and her husband both cook dinner for each other. OP cooks more often because she’s comparatively less occupied in the evenings.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Recently, OP’s mom has been teaching her familial Indian recipes more and more frequently in hopes to widen her culinary knowledge for a family. Because of this, she has been introducing more and more Indian foods to her husband.
DOES HE LIKE IT?
OP’s husband had been enthusiastic about the Indian food that OP had been making. He enjoys the food and flavors that OP introduced him to. He likes the spicy curries that OP makes.
Recently, OP made Daal. It is a lentil dish that is less spicy.
OP’s husband didn’t like it as it wasn’t that spicy and asked OP if she forgot to put in the spices. OP initially thought he was joking, but he wasn’t.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
OP explained that this dish is supposed to be less spicy and that is how it is supposed to taste. Her husband didn’t quite like it and insisted that he wanted it to be spicy.
HE WANTED TO ‘FIX’ IT
They went back and forth for a while, and then OP got furious because she felt her husband was being disrespectful towards her culture. Her husband then told her that he would ‘fix’ the dish himself by altering the dish.
OP DIDN’T ALLOW
OP didn’t allow him to do that and told him that he could have something else instead. She told him that she wouldn’t ever make Daal for him.
Her husband said that she was being dramatic, and things have been bitter between them ever since. He didn’t apologize to her yet, and OP doesn’t want to apologize either because she doesn’t think she did anything wrong.
WHAT DO PEOPLE THINK?
“You both got way too dramatic. He’s allowed to not enjoy one dish out of the hundreds you’ve cooked him. You’re allowed to be a bit bummed out by that. You should have just let him do whatever he wants to his own plate and said you’d eat the rest yourself.
You’re in an experimental phase, learning lots of new dishes from your mom. It’s expected that not everyone will love every single new dish. Don’t take it so personally because it sounds like he loves your cooking in general.
Your husband, on the other hand, needs to calm down and not demand to change an entire pot of food when it’s not his favorite. It’s just one meal, not the end of the world. Both of you need to take it down a notch, give each other some grace, and communicate better.”, said one user.
YOU ARE BOTH DRAMATIC
“If OP’s Dad had said to her Mom that he wanted the daal to be more spicy, do you think the Mom would fly off the handle and tell him that he was disrespectful of her family’s recipes and traditions or would she just chalk it up to having different tastes and either alter the recipe or let him alter his plate?
Which of those is more likely based on your knowledge of Indian food culture? I’m of Indian descent as well but not from India. Recipes aren’t sacred and infallible because you’re feeding different people. I think she got carried away and he shouldn’t have insisted on changing the entire pot”, said another user.
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.