Telling your parents they can’t see your kids is a difficult conversation, but it may be necessary if their behavior is harmful to your children. An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for telling parents they can’t see my kids?”. Here’s the full story for you to decide.
Backstory
Original Poster (OP) says, “So let me give you some backstory. I have 2 young kids (6 and 16 months), and a husband (35). I have a no-spanking policy in my house. I feel like it does more harm than good depending on the child.
My son does not respond to it so I do other forms of discipline such as time out, taking away TV privileges, no dessert at dinner, etc. I can get pretty creative but I always try to make sure the punishment matches the crime.”
What Happened Last Night?
Well, last night OP’s parents came to visit and her son was “acting out a bit.” What she means by this is he was running around the house playing chase with his baby sister.
To OP, that’s normal kid stuff. He wasn’t running into anyone or anything but he was starting to get the dog to bark. OP asked him to come over and sit on her lap, which he did. She told him she was fine with him playing but running is making the dog bark and he should play with toys instead. He went into his room and got his toys.
What Did Stepmom Say
While he was away OP’s stepmom said, “If that was my kid I’d spank him”. OP’s thinking what!!! He was running, and she asked him to stop, which he did, and then went to get toys from his room.
OP’s Stepmom’s Weird Take
Well, OP’s son came back with toys and started playing with his sister on the carpet floor. He took a toy away from her and she started to cry. OP asked him to come over and she said we have to share and if his sister had it first he can’t take it away.
She Whooped Him
As OP was talking to him he looked away and started shaking his body, kinda like a dance. This is when OP’s stepmom, who was sitting right next to her, spanked her son.
OP was kind of taken aback because she was right there.
What Happened Next?
After this happened, they all had dinner, and OP’s parents left. She told her husband what happened, and he was furious. He wanted to call them at that moment. She said they were agitated and should wait until the following morning.
Well, OP called her dad and told him that she doesn’t believe in spanking and she was sorry if she wasn’t clear in making that boundary. OP asked if there was a way they could do other forms of punishment when they go over and they said her son needs a good whooping every now and then.
OP’s Final Stance
OP replied, “If you can’t respect my wishes then you can come to visit the kids here but they will not be allowed at your house.”
She got yelled at, cursed at and called a jerk.
Is she really a jerk?
Your Babies, Your Rules
“Not the jerk. Your babies, your rules. I have 2 littles as well, 2 & 7mo, and if someone would’ve spanked one of them in front of me, I would’ve flipped. My MIL made a comment about spanking ONCE and got shut down immediately. If you don’t respect the parents, you don’t get access to the kids.”
It’s Time To Set An Example
“Time to roar your great strength, OP. These are your kids and ONLY your rules and opinions matter.
I would have literally ripped my kid away from her and sent my kid away. Then grabbed her and shoved her and the rest of the “guests” outside. The event is over.
I also would not have ASKED my dad if there was another way to punish him when you called him afterwards. Stop giving the impression that their opinion matters and that you care what they think. That’s likely part of the problem.
How are you going to proceed? Your kids are watching how you navigate this. My suggestion is to not bow down and NOT make it comfortable for them. They need to know it’s not their place to discipline their kids, nor is their advice welcome. Keep them all away from your kids.”
This Is A Hill To Die On
“Your dad and stepmom are not your son’s parents, and they don’t get to decide how your son is disciplined. If they can’t respect that, they should not be allowed to get close enough to spank him.
I’m Gen X, so I was spanked by my parents on occasion, but *never* by my grandparents. My grandparents did what you did. They explained that the behavior was wrong and why. I always felt safe with my grandparents, but there were times when I did not feel safe with my parents.
This is absolutely a hill to die on.”
Spanking Is Lazy Parenting
“Spanking is lazy parenting. Your step monster had zero right to put her hands on your child. I’d never speak to her again.”
Boundaries Are Boundaries
“No. When I had my children I sat my mom down and looked her in the eye and told her if she ever lays a hand on my children underbelly guise of “discipline” she should also remember I’m not a child anymore and will beat the crap out of her if she does (we had issues but she’s in therapy and has truly switched around, albeit too late for me)
Boundaries are boundaries. Their punishment for their crime fits. So good job!!”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.