Paying for a costly meal is a decision that should not be made lightly. It is important to consider the occasion, your budget, and what you are getting in return.

A user asked the forum,  Am I a jerk for making my brother-in-law pay for his son’s meal after I said it was my treat?


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The original poster ( OP ) doesn’t see her sister and her family often, so she tends to splurge on them when she does. OP says that she is child-free for now and the foreseeable future. But probably not forever.


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OP took her sister’s family out for dinner, and she said it was her treat. 

So it was OP’s sister, her husband, his mom who lives with them, OP, and three kids ages 15, 12, and 10. OP took them out to a steak place in their city she had always wanted to try. 


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OP’s 15-year-old nephew looks at the menu and says he wants the tomahawk steak. OP said that it was three pounds of meat plus three full sides, and he should probably pick something smaller.

But OP’s BIL says his kid can eat it all, and OP said it was her treat and that she was trying to cheap out. OP says that it was  $190 for the steak.


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OP said if he doesn’t eat it all, then her BIL has to pay for it. And her BIL  agreed.

They order it, and the waiter tells them the tomahawk is usually shared between several people since it comes with three sharable portions of sides as well.

OP Ask If He Is Sure

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OP asks his BIL if he is sure. OP’s BIL looked at the kid and smiled, and said no problem.

They ordered, and the tomahawk and sides took up almost half the table when the food came out.


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OP says that the kid finished less than a quarter of the steak and only a little bit of the sides.

When the bill came, OP asked to pay for seven meals, all the drinks, and all the tips. But the Tomahawk steak is on a separate bill for her BIL.


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OP says that his BIL paid with ill grace. OP’s sister said that he used the budget that they had earmarked to take the family to see a new Spiderman movie.

OP Felt Bad

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OP felt bad but thought that he was a jerk to try and waste her money. But OP’s BIL  thinks that she was a jerk for following through and making him pay for something that mostly went to waste.

They took the leftovers home.


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”My treat” does not mean abusing my generosity.

It would have been one thing if the teen had actually eaten the entire thing. You said, if he eats it all, I’ll pay. If not, you pay. Good for sticking to that.”


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“ OP is not a jerk. But what I don’t understand is that OP is, the mom, OP’s BIL, the dad (obviously he didn’t), or even granny, the mil, none of them told the 15M that ordering a meal with a price like that, when the host was not even ordering that much, was just plain rude and needed some re-education about dining etiquette as a guest.

To be honest, OP, your sis and BIL are the biggest AH here, and your sis is the bigger one in this group. If I were you, sis would get an earful after this because my OWN sister didn’t shut down HER kid in the first place and thought it was okay to use her sibling as ATM?!!!! I would really reconsider treating them again. Family or not, they don’t get to take advantage of you!!!”

“Ordering a $190 steak on someone else’s tab is rude and enough to make them a jerk, regardless of whether it was all eaten or not.”


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“What a terrible lesson to teach your kid! My parents always taught me to go cheap if someone else is paying.”


Money has no smell!
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“Also, what kind of man allows his son to order a $200 STEAK and then is mad bc the payment for it “came out of his budget to take the family to see SPIDER-MAN?” If he has to budget for that, then what kind of jerk would just abuse someone else’s hospitality like that? You’d think he’d be sensitive about prices.”

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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.

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