The bonds of sisterhood are undeniably strong, but what happens when trust is tested and requests become contentious?

A user asked, Am I wrong for not helping my sister pay for her wedding even though I could easily afford it for a petty reason? We want to hear from you.


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The Original Poster (OP) is a 33-year-old female with a younger sister Jamie (31F). Jamie got engaged to her fiancé a few months ago, and now she’s deep into wedding planning. Their parents gifted them $25,000 each as a wedding present when they got engaged to help with wedding expenses and help them get started with some savings.

A Little Bit More

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For background: OP married her husband two years ago, and they practically had little to no expenses.
They just did a small wedding ceremony/celebration in their parent’s backyard, and OP used her mom’s old dress, so our only expenses were food and photography. Due to this, they saved $20,000 of the money they were gifted and just put it into savings.

Jamie Had Lot To Say

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Although they were happy with their day, Jamie had much to say. She practically spent every family event after the wedding gossiping about how my wedding was so “trashy and cheap”.

OP thinks Jamie expected a lot more from her because OP works as a software engineer, and my husband is a surgeon, and they could have afforded a much nicer wedding.

What Happened Next?

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Now it’s time for Jamie’s wedding, and she has plans to go all out for it, which OP wouldn’t care about if she could afford it, but instead, she has become a greedy bridezilla asking anyone and everyone for cash.

Parents Refused To Give More Than $25k

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Their parents refused to give more than the original $25k, and other family members have chipped in, but maybe $5k max combined.

Unfortunately, OP’s sister knows OP saved the $20k from their parents and that OP’s husband and OP have a good amount of money saved up because of our salaries.

What Did Jamie Do?

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She has been asking OP nonstop to give her the $20k as a wedding gift or help pay for another one of her events like the bridal shower, bachelorette, rehearsal dinner, or honeymoon.

She reasons that OP’s husband and OP could easily afford to gift her one of these things.

Jamie says OP even gifted my cousin a honeymoon vacation as a wedding gift last year, so why couldn’t OP do something similar for her only sibling when she did that for a cousin?

What Does OP Have To Say About This?

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She’s right that OP could easily afford to pay for parts of her wedding, but honestly, OP doesn’t want to give her anything after she treated her so poorly following OP’s wedding.

OP says, “I told her my reasoning and that I don’t want to (financially) support someone who didn’t support me on my big day, and now she has been telling the family that I’m extremely selfish and immature for this.”

What Happened Next

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Apparently, she has already put down deposits on many services and vendors for her plans and just expected OP to help pay for it, but now she has no way of paying the vendors, and she can’t get her deposits back either. So now OP’s family wants me to help her so she doesn’t lose her little money. OP doesn’t see how this is my problem.

OP wants to know if she is a jerk.

If She Can’t Stay In Budget, It Is NOT Your Fault

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“You’re not wrong. She got a sum for it; if she can’t stay within that budget, NOBODY else needs to pay her a penny. You don’t owe her even five cents.

You were smart to have a low-budget wedding and have money for other things after. Smart smart smart. She was rude rude rude.”

She is Entitled

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“Not wrong. That sure is some entitlement your sister has. Even without her trash-talking in the past, this is way too demanding.”

We Hope Your Parents Are Siding With You

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“Not wrong – I hope that when you say your family wants you to pay, you don’t mean your parents. They should be siding with you and trying to shut down other relatives. If they aren’t, weddings are traditionally the responsibility of parents; if anyone other than the couple, indeed not the siblings’ problem.”

Why Do This?

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“Not a jerk. Why do people plan events that are outside their budget and then expect others to make up the difference? $25k is a lot of money if spent wisely. She banked on having the $20k you saved from the outset. No, just plain no.”

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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.

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