When someone who has hurt you in the past reaches out for help, do you help them or refuse? OP and his wife faced this dilemma and chose to refuse.
A user asked the forum, “Am I wrong for refusing to pay for my baby niece’s hearing aids even though I have ton of money?”. Read the entire story to know is this is wrong.
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) and his wife are labeled selfish for refusing to pay for his three-month-old baby niece’s hearing aids.
OP’s niece was recently diagnosed with congenital hearing loss and is partially deaf in both ears. The doctors suggested that she be given hearing aids as soon as possible so as not to affect her development.
WHAT WAS OP’S SISTER-IN-LAW’S FINANCIAL SITUATION?
OP’s sister-in-law(Kate) can’t afford the $1000-$4000 per pair expense, especially without health insurance.
So, she decided to ask OP’s wife who is also her sister for help at their grandmother’s funeral.
WHY DOES OP’S WIFE HATE HER SISTER?
OP’s wife hates her sister with a burning passion because of how Kate treated her during her childhood days. OP said that his wife was born partially deaf in her left ear. But instead of Kate being a supporting sister, she bullied her instead.
What makes it more sickening is how their parents turned a blind eye because Kate was their favorite child. They allowed Kate to shout ugly remarks about deaf people into her sister’s ears.
OP’S WIFE GOT IGNORED
She says that they even ignored their youngest daughter’s need for a hearing aid, as they didn’t want to “waste” money.
OP added that it wasn’t until his wife’s grandmother chipped in and bought a pair.
HOW DID KATE BEHAVE?
OP says even then, Kate would constantly steal it and torment her sister. The last straw was when she intentionally broke it, and her parents refused to replace it. Once again, refusing to “waste” money on their youngest child’s needs.
OP’S WIFE MOVED OUT
OP says that eventually, his wife had to move in with her grandmother and decided to have no contact with Kate and her parents. She thankfully got a new hearing aid.
SHE ASKED FOR A FAVOR
OP says that Kate sat down uninvited at the funeral to speak to them. She wanted to ask an important favor in the name of “family.”
They already knew about her daughter’s condition so she plainly asked to cover the medical expenses mentioning how they could easily afford it.
WHAT WAS KATE’S REACTION?
OP guessed Kate was expecting a yes because she was shocked when his wife said no.
WHAT WAS HER WIFE’S REACTION?
When Kate asked why, his wife just went ballistic. Calling her out on her audacity to attend a funeral to ask for money and wanting the person she bullied for being deaf to buy hearing aids for her deaf daughter.
His wife even quoted Kate’s old remarks. “Deaf people are stupid”, “You dumb left deaf ear.”
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
After she let it all out, Kate was speechless. She didn’t even try to act apologetic and just started shouting. Calling his wife psycho for holding so much resentment towards her till today.
She also called OP’s wife selfish for refusing to help her niece over a childish grudge. Even gaslighted her for the next 5 minutes to make her believe she’s immoral.
OP says she eventually left screaming after calling them disgusting for having so much money and not helping “family.”
WHAT WAS OP’S OPINION?
He says he doesn’t understand why he should spend his hard-earned money on someone else’s child. So he asks if he is wrong.
OP’S WIFE’S THOUGHTS
His wife asked his sister over 15 years ago, “Please, never speak to me again or my future family,” instead, her sister chose to harass her while in mourning.
His wife says that she has a right to a peaceful life with her own children, and she won’t be paying for any hearing aids.
His wife said no contact, so it means no contact. Her sister will finally need to stop being lazy and support her daughter.
IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY
“I don’t think you are wrong; it isn’t your responsibility to pay the medical bills of estranged family members. I see all the people saying the child is innocent, but it still isn’t your responsibility.
She can start a gofundme, and if she hasn’t ill-treated everyone else she knows, then maybe she will get her kid the equipment they need.”
SHE BULLIED YOUR WIFE
“I don’t get the people saying you should pay because it’s a child. It’s not your child.
The fact that they need help for the very thing your SIL bullied your wife for and actually went so far as to break her hearing aid is some kind of karma. Your wife’s parents are also jerks for not helping their own daughter to thrive.”
YOU CAN OFFER AS A LOAN
“Karma is a funny thing. Her sister bullied her most of her life, including her parents, who did nothing and didn’t want to waste money.
If you decide though to help, don’t give the money outright. Offer to do it as a loan and put it in writing like a contract, so she is forced to pay it, even if it is a little bit at a time.
Not sure why thou the sister can’t go to a bank and get an overdraft or loan herself.”
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