The line between teasing and harassment is thin, and too many people cross it without realizing.  An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for teasing my sister in a way that’s typical for my family?”. Here’s the full story for you to decide.


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The Original Poster’s (OP’s) (24f) sister (29f) is mildly autistic and she is good at masking it. So, she wasn’t diagnosed until about 5 years ago. Four years ago, she met OP’s now BIL (32m) who is also autistic and a bit more obviously so.

A Few Months Back

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They purchased a townhouse a few months back. They invited their family over for dinner and to show them, which went horribly. It’s a nice town home and when she showed them to the master, they found that there were two queen beds.

OP made a remark asking if there was already trouble in paradise and her sister said that one bed isn’t enough space, that they both get hot and since they both have sensory issues, they just find it easier to sleep in separate beds.

OP’s Indecent Remark

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OP quipped how their intimate life must be awful and her BIL made a remark back, saying how they have a very healthy intimate life but it wasn’t OP’s business.

“It’s natural for us to tease in our family, and we do it all the time.”, says OP.

What Happened Next

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So when OP’s sister showed them the big walk-in closet that they had made into a room for their 10 Guinea pigs instead, OP made another sexual remark, and her BIL snapped, telling her that she needed to stop making inappropriate comments regarding him and her sister because it makes her uncomfortable.

“I’ve told my BIL in the past to not call me out in front of everyone like that because it makes everyone uncomfortable.”, says OP.

What Happened Next

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At this point, OP was just trying to lighten the mood and made a snide remark along the lines of “There’s that jerky frat boy attitude.” (He dresses and has the face of someone who just got off of his daddy’s yacht so he does look like he would be a total jerk.)

At this point, OP’s sister was upset and just asked them to knock it off so they did.

At The Dinner Table

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They went along with dinner and OP noticed how he hovered over her sister like he was trying to protect her from me, whenever OP tried to tease her, he’d cut her off and change the subject, even OP’s parents would put her down for this.

“I’m not trying to sound bad here, but ever since my sister was diagnosed with autism and started dating my BIL that’s only when I started noticing her displaying symptoms. That’s also when we stopped teasing her and walking on eggshells around her. It’s annoying and feels like he completely messed up my family dynamic.”, says OP.

After Dinner Scenes

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After dinner, they were supposed to get ice cream, but OP’s BIL pulled her aside and asked her to leave. OP was extremely upset by this and told him that her sister only acts like this because she married him, and OP told him that he is controlling and rude.

Later, OP’s sister called her and told her that she would like to spend some time away from OP and will see if her attitude improves at Christmas.

OP’s Thoughts

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“Look, I’m not saying that I’m absolved of any guilt here, but I had asked him not to call me out in front of everyone in the past because it’s humiliating and he blatantly overlooked that and that’s what upset me.

I was just trying to have a normal night with my sister and he kept ruining it. Am I a jerk here?”, asks OP.

This Has Nothing To Do With Their Autism

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“You’re the jerk. You harassed your own sister and her husband and then called her husband a jerk for rightfully getting upset about it. You then continued to try to bully your sister and resented her husband for protecting her from you.

This has nothing to do with their autism and everything to do with your apparent need to harass and bully your own family.”

Your Sister Has Probably Always Hated This Behavior

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“You’re the jerk. Your sister has always hated your family’s ‘teasing’ and now has someone to intervene on her behalf.

The most amusing thing here is you thinking *her husband* was ‘interfering with your normal evening’.”

That Was Very Weird Of You

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“I find it extremely weird you joke about your sister’s intimate life… twice after you’ve been asked to stop.

But your ‘humor’ aside, have you ever thought that maybe she trusts her husband more than you? That she feels she can be herself with him, talk about jokes that make her uncomfortable? This means he’ll try to protect her?”

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