In the face of family disputes escalating to the point of legal intervention, is it morally acceptable to remain a passive observer while immediate family members engage in verbal abuse?

A netizen recently asked, Am I a jerk for sitting back and doing nothing when mom told my wife that she’d take us to court for grandparents right? We want you to decide.


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This situation is a bit of a mess. So, OP had just mentioned the relevant conflict at hand.

So OP and his wife Liz have been married for 7 years. They have preschool-age kids, and because they currently live in the same city as OP’s parents, his mom would take the kids while he and his wife work.

New Opportunities (And Problems) Knocking on The Door

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Liz is the one with a much larger income, she got an even better job opportunity that is requiring them to move to another city. OP agreed since he could easily find a job in his field in the city they’re moving to. But after OP’s family heard they were selling the house to move, hell broke loose.

The Sunday Clashes

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Sunday, OP’s mom and Liz got into a huge fight because Liz told his mom they’ll move away and hire a babysitter for the kids so she’s no longer “needed”. OP’s mom said she doesn’t want her grandkids moving away, even saying they should let the kids live at her house while they move.

What Did Liz Do

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Liz laughed at her, and OP’s mom lost it basically saying that Liz was an ungrateful witch and that her grandkids moving will only happen over her dead body. They began exchanging harsher words and Liz snapped and told OP’s mom to butt out of private matters that don’t concern her. And said that she had no right to decide things regarding the kids.

When Things Took An “Illegal” Turn

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OP’s mom firmly told her she was dead wrong and proceeded to tell her that she, as an involved grandmother, knows her rights and she will be taking Liz and OP to court to ensure she still gets to see her grandkids.

Liz was in shock, she looked to the left and saw OP sitting there not saying or doing anything. Liz told OP to check his mom but he told her she was being unfair to mom and that mom had to feel upset because she will no longer be able to see her grandchildren.

OP says, “I honestly told Liz that she was a bit selfish to not consider my mom’s feelings and her crucial presence in the kids’ life first.”

More Arguments

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Liz started arguing with OP saying she couldn’t believe he didn’t stand behind her and defend her after hearing Mom saying she’d get the court involved.

OP says, “I said mom was upset and can not be blamed for her reaction. Liz started yelling at me, calling me unsupportive and an enabler, then went home with the kids, insisting my family is MY problem and I should handle it although this whole moving thing was her idea

Final Updates

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The situation hasn’t been resolved and Liz and Mom are getting more intense in their fights.

OP chose to stay out of it because both have valid arguments but Liz had called him awful for not siding with her after seeing how his mom spoke to her and being okay with the fact that his mom was willing to cause them issues in court.

“Am I a jerk? I get that Liz wants my support but I feel like mom has been punished through no fault of her own after being a loving grandmother to my kids.” Asks OP.

Why Would You Even Do Those Things?

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“You’re the jerk. Your mom threatened to **take your family to court so she can get custody of the kids** (she wants them to *live* with them). That is a disproportionate reaction to being told that someone is *moving*. Are you okay with moving to a new city? Sounds like you are. Why would you ever let anyone threaten your wife with the court for doing something incredibly beneficial for your family? Why would you let someone **threaten** you instead of offering to get on a plane to see you?”

Didn’t You Agree With Her Decision?

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“It may have been her idea, but you agreed to it. If you had an issue with moving, you should have had that conversation with your wife. Agreeing with it to your wife’s face and then letting your mom do the dirty work of fighting her about it is cowardly and passive-aggressive. The fact that you are continuing to sit there like a bump on a log while your relatives harass your wife is failing hardcore as a spouse.

Get your mother out of your marriage or you won’t *have* a marriage.”

You’re Spineless & Pathetic

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“LOL you’re spineless, and you’re the jerk. That’s your family and kids, your mother doesn’t get to decide and at no point does being upset allow you to be unhinged like your mom.

Absolutely pathetic behavior.” Said one.

“You married and had kids with Liz, not your mother. Are you really okay with your mom threatening to take your children?”

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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.

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