It can be challenging to motivate children to clean up, but what is fair? Would you punish them, make them cancel plans, or let them have their way?
A user took to forum and asked, “Am I wrong for making my 17yo miss her therapy appointment to clean her closet?”
Backstory:
The Original Poster’s (OP) is a mother to a 17 year old daughter whose closet was in an absolute pigsty. The floor was covered in so much stuff that it was nearly knee-deep, making it impossible to see the floor.
OP had been after her daughter for weeks to clean that up, but she insisted that she would do that later.
What Did OP Do?
OP finally had enough and informed her daughter that she would not be allowed to go out with her friends or boyfriend until she cleaned up her closet.
OP’s Daughter Had A Lot of Work
Unfortunately, that week, OP’s daughter had a lot of work and prior commitments at school, leaving her with only one free afternoon. That afternoon, she had scheduled an appointment with her therapist, which was important since she was in therapy for depression and anxiety.
She Had Planned A Trip
Additionally, she planned a day trip with her boyfriend’s family the following weekend. OP believed missing out on those important events would finally get through to her daughter and motivate her to clean up her closet, which had been put off for several weeks.
What Did The Daughter Decide To Do?
Instead of cleaning her closet, OP’s daughter canceled her therapy appointment, as it was her only free afternoon, and she didn’t want to miss going on a day trip with her boyfriend’s family the following weekend.
What Happened Next?
Her therapist advised OP that it was wrong to prioritize cleaning the closet over her daughter’s mental health needs and referred to it as a “dumb hill to die on.”
OP Continued To Insist
Despite that advice, OP continued to insist that her daughter had been putting off cleaning her closet for weeks and refused to live in a messy environment. OP had actually told her daughter that if she wanted to go out with her boyfriend or anyone that week, she needed to clean her closet beforehand.
Daughter Cancelled Appointment
OP had not explicitly told her to cancel her therapy appointment. OP had simply informed her daughter that how she budgeted her time was up to her, but the closet needed to be cleaned before she could go out. Nevertheless, the daughter decided to cancel her therapy appointment so she could focus on cleaning her closet.
OP wondered if she was being unreasonable or inconsiderate and is asking whether she was the one at fault in the situation.
What Do We Think?
Considering that she is already dealing with anxiety and depression, it might have been difficult for her to clean the closet. We believe, instead of forcing her or losing your mind over it, the mother should have helped her clean the closet or develop a plan to do it one step at a time.
You Are Wrong
As someone rightly said “You’re wrong – have you considered the depression and anxiety is getting in her way of cleaning it? Have you offered a strategy to work together, or small steps to the big goal of full cleaning?”
Anxiety Can Make It Hard
“100% agree. Depression and anxiety can make it so hard to do even basic things like basic hygiene or picking up after yourself. It can be extra hard with unsupportive people in your life” another added.
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