An internet user recently asked, Am I a jerk for selling my daughter’s car after discovering her texting & driving? Keep on reading to know the full context of the matter and don’t forget to drop your views below!

What Happened

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When OP’s daughter was 14, OP and his wife decided they would buy a car for her to use on her 16th if she proved herself to be responsible, got good grades, etc. There would be a “contract” of sorts to ensure they were all on the same page.

What Were The Conditions

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The stipulations were continuing good grades, a good attitude, she could only bring one friend with her somewhere (to begin with), they had to know where she was, and the obvious two: don’t drink & drive, and don’t text and drive.

All Went Well Until This Happened 

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OP and his wife made it clear that **they** were buying the car, but it was for her to use. They got the car, a 2012 Honda Civic. She has a summer job right now, it’s summer break so she’s out doing stuff with her friends, etc.

In a few months, she will be off to college. Everything was going swimmingly. Until someone on that NextDoor app started posting pictures and videos of bad drivers in the area.

What Does OP Say

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OP says, “And behold, my daughter, was posted with her face down as she texted and rolled through a stop sign. Once with her face down in her phone at a stoplight. I was livid. My wife was the one who showed it to me. We found out there were more instances (from her Instagram Stories) and we decided… no.”

What Did OP And His Wife Do Next?

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OP and his wife got up and sold the car. They didn’t lose very much in the process, except of course their daughter completely came unraveled.

The Conversation Went Like

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It’s so unfair, she didn’t hurt anyone, everyone’s doing it, how is she supposed to get to work, what about when she goes to college? Well, they said no, it’s not unfair, she hurt them by being an irresponsible driver, no, not everyone’s doing it, she can walk, ride her bike, or take the bus, and as for college, she doesn’t need the car to get to and from classes, and again, she can ride her bike or walk.

She tried to play the “How can you send your daughter to college without her safety in mind?” card and OP said “Well, well, well, now you’re concerned about safety?” and she just up and screamed.

The Chaos Followed

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This has everyone in OP and his wife’s life up in arms and divided. Her grandparents think they’re being over the top and awful, that grounding her would have sufficed. They’ve threatened that THEY will buy her a car again if OP and his wife try to send her to college without one.

Lastly, OP says, “The car is already sold, so there’s no going back. I think what we did was absolutely correct, that actions have consequences and we would be in the wrong to pull back from that. In terms of her going to college? Well, she made that choice. She had a car, it came with certain stipulations, she disobeyed us, and now she pays the price. So Am I a jerk?”

She’s Not Sorry & It Shows

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“Not the jerk. And her sense of outrage and entitlement instead of shame and remorse at getting caught in the act should only reaffirm you made the right choice. She’s not sorry; she’s frustrated. If it were me, I’d need to see a major and GENUINE attitude upgrade before even considering relenting, AND I’d be telling the grandparents that until she’s 18 there’s no way she’s driving a car from them either… and then they can put her on *their * insurance.

Sometimes you have to do unpopular things to teach your kids important lessons and help protect them from their own bad choices. They should be supporting you, not undermining you. Ugh.”

One Strike Policies Don’t Work Generally

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“Everyone is in the wrong. I’m 100% sure half the people appreciating your decision have texted and driven at some point. I don’t disagree with consequences but you’ve taken zero steps to make her a safer driver.

Texting and driving is serious but what’s going to happen when she buys her own car and you’re not around? One-strike policies are generally bad ideas.”

Your Daughter Is Being Naïve

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“Not the jerk. Your daughter is being naïve. This is natural for her. But she needs to understand, it doesn’t matter that no one was hurt, what matters is that someone could have very easily been hurt. She is wielding a deadly weapon, and she has consciously chosen to wield it with reckless disregard for the safety of those around her: your friends and neighbors.

Your grandparents also need to back off. They aren’t raising your daughter, you are. Frankly, there isn’t any need for a college kid to have a car these days. You can get a place to sleep near the college and you can get most things you’d need, delivered to your door. A car means you need to pay for parking, find a parking spot, and maintain the car; it’s actually a bit of a hassle, honestly.

This is a parenting decision. Granted, after turning 18, you legally become an adult. But as kids remain dependent on their parents to age 25, especially college-bound kids, they’re in YOUR  custody, and YOU are in charge. Are grandparents going to pay her tuition? Do they want to adopt her? No, they are undermining your authority as a parent.”

You’re Kid Is An Idiot But You Guys Are The Real Jerks

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“Your kid is an idiot, but she’s also a *kid* so it’s kind of a given. I don’t know what lesson you think you’re giving her, but selling the car is not gonna help her become a safer driver. Is your plan just to wait until she buys her own car and then hope for the best? I think you’ve confused punishing with teaching here, and it makes you guys jerks.”

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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.

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