Relationships with in-laws can be complex and challenging. The Original Poster (OP) took it to the forum, and asked “Am I wrong for refusing to let my mother-in-law stay with us because she is upper class?”. We want to know from you.
The OP is basically from a blue-collar/middle-class family, and her husband is from a white-collar family. Although monetarily, both families were at par, their lifestyles were quite different.
HOW WERE THEIR LIFESTYLES DIFFERENT?
OP’s side of the family is a little fun-loving and easy-going, whereas her husband’s side is a little poised and uptight.
HOW DID IT AFFECT OP?
Although OP really likes her husband’s side of the family, she’s also quite intimidated and scared when they visit her place. She always has to be extra cautious and careful, in order to avoid judgment.
The moment she starts being herself, they start judging her and it gets pretty obvious.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
OP’s mother-in-law asked if she could come over and stay at their place for almost a month.
WHAT DID OP SAY?
OP told her husband that she wasn’t okay with her mother-in-law coming over and staying with them for a month because it would mean that she had to remain alert and cautious for a month at a stretch and she just didn’t want to do it.
WHAT WAS HER HUSBAND’S REACTION?
Her husband didn’t like her decision and told her to try to open up with his family. He also told her to ignore other people’s judgments and be herself.
DID OP AGREE?
OP didn’t agree to what her husband said and explained to him that the moment she tried opening up or tried to be herself, she was subjected to a lot of judgments and humiliation, and that is why she wasn’t ready to let her mother-in-law come over and stay with them.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Her husband became pretty upset after that, and now they are at a stalemate.
WHAT DO PEOPLE THINK?
“OP it has nothing to do with class. Your inlaws are uptight people. Now as for her staying a month, let her do so BUT you be yourself! If she doesn’t like it, she can leave earlier.”, said one user.
“If you want to be closer to your in-laws, have her stay. You seem to have a chip on your shoulder about classism but of course, you are the one who sees the little signs of condescension.
So embrace who you are, swear if you want to, live like you want to. If she makes a comment, ask her if she would be more comfortable in a hotel? And make your husband do any deep cleaning.”, said another user.
LET THEM COME, AND BE YOURSELF
“I see this as a good way for them to decide if they REALLY want a closer relationship. Let them come, and be yourself.
She doesn’t like the mud the boots tracked in? There’s the broom. Want to clean the kitchen before eating? We’ll be eating.
Has a weird look on her face? Ask if there’s a problem. She’ll either start relaxing or she won’t. Either way, you get to keep living your best life”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.