Would you tolerate a child abuser as a part of your family?

An internet user asked, “I’m rethinking having a child with my wife because of what I just found out about her dad. Am I a jerk?”. What’s your take on the matter?


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The Original Poster (OP) (30M) and his wife Jessica (32F) have been married for two years and are trying for a baby. Jessica has an older sister, Mary, that she isn’t close to. Jessica told OP they had a huge falling out over some family drama and no longer speak. 

“I asked a few times about the entire situation, but she would say she doesn’t like talking about it and doesn’t think it’s important,” says OP. 


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It was Jessica’s brother’s birthday yesterday, and they were all over at his house to celebrate. Mary made an appearance, and there was a lot of drama. 


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Long story short, Mary called Jessica and her brothers out for still associating with their dad when they knew he was a child abuser.

“No one was paying her any mind, and I was baffled about what was happening. When Mary left, and Jessica and I went home, I asked Jessica what the hell happened,” says OP. 


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Jessica said that when they were kids, Mary used to claim that their dad used to abuse her. 

“I asked if it was true, and Jessica was stuttering a lot. She said she knows her dad used to do bad things but that Mary cut them all off when she turned eighteen and moved out,” says OP. 


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He (OP) asked if she admitted that she knew her dad was a child abuser and did things to his daughter. She said he doesn’t do it anymore and he was just in a terrible place in his life, and he apologized to Mary, so there’s nothing else anyone can do for Mary. 

“I was honestly appalled. I also feel so terrible for Mary. Jessica made it seem like Mary had done something wrong and deserved to be exiled from the family. I could’ve never imagined that this is what happened,” says OP. 


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OP asked if Jessica expects him to be willing to have that man around their future children. She started shouting at OP, saying OP is judging him off something that happened two decades ago, and whether OP likes it or not, he will be their child’s grandpa, and he will be in their lives. 


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“I said if she insists on it, we need to hold off on having kids and have serious conversations about it. She’s furious at me, but I don’t know how to react better, honestly. This feels like a huge deal that she is minimizing. Am I a jerk?” asks OP. 


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“Not the jerk and run! Please talk to someone from RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network). They are an organization for victims of physical assault. This is not minor, like occasionally being crabby with your kids in the mornings when you have a migraine. 

This is a crime. I know a victim of child abuse, and many years later and thousands of dollars in therapy, this woman is still hurting. You need to get out now!”


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“If this is real, you need to reconsider your whole relationship; she is actively persecuting her sister and referring to her as petty. That is so messed up.”


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“Not the jerk. Your wife not only supported a child abuser over his victim, but she is willing to give him future potential victims and wasn’t even going to mention it to you? Unfortunately, you can’t trust her to have a child’s best interests in mind. I would not have children with her.”


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“I’m sorry this is divorce-worthy. Having a child abuser in the family and not warning everybody to stay away? Condoning his actions and then exiling the victim? Is that the kind o f person you want to spend your life with? That’s disgusting. 

Not the jerk. Do not make more victims for that man, especially with the wife who’s already proven she’s willing to look the other way and allow the abuse.”


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“Such a horrific and sad family all around. There’s no statute of limitations on abominations like that, and I wouldn’t want any of them within 200 feet of my children.” 

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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.

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