You can’t force your family members into your suffering. You maybe going through the worse tragedy in your life but don’t make it horrible for them. They will start to hate you.
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for telling my wife off after getting our daughter to cut her hair off, even after being told not to?”
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) wife is currently battling cancer, and one of the things his wife told him she was struggling with the most was losing her hair.
THE SADDEST PART
He says that she’s been given a near 100% chance of survival since they caught it early but the chemotherapy has destroyed his wife’s hair anyway. A few weeks ago, she also had to shave off whatever was left.
WHAT DID HIS WIFE SUGGEST?
He says that not long after that, his wife suggested they attempt to get their 17-year-old daughter, Anna, to do so.
WHAT WAS OP’S OPINION?
He added that Anna has very long hair that she puts a lot of care into, so he felt it was appropriate to ask her in private if she wanted to or would be willing to do such a thing.
WHAT WAS HIS WIFE’S REPLY?
His wife told him that she didn’t want to cut her hair, and he figured that was the end of that.
IT SHOCKED HIM
However, the previous day, his wife and daughter came home from a “girls’ shopping trip,” something they do every so often, and Anna had a buzzed haircut.
WHAT DID OP DO NEXT?
That struck him as odd after what she’d said, so after dinner, he talked to his daughter, and his daughter told him that his wife had said she would never forgive Anna if she didn’t show her support by buzzing her head.
He also asked his daughter if she was happy about it, and she said that she wasn’t.
HE TALKED TO HIS WIFE
When he went to bed, he brought it up with his wife, and she said, “It was Anna’s choice to or not; I just told her how I’d see the situation.”
WHAT WAS HIS WIFE’S RESPONSE?
He told his wife off, saying she needed to respect Anna’s personal choices and that a 17-year-old girl being against shaving her head wasn’t exactly out of the ordinary; however, his wife simply said it was to show support for her.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
He says that he has been sleeping on the couch since. He also added that he loves his wife, and he understands that she’s going through something traumatic.
However, he thinks that her attitude comes off as very manipulative, and that’s not behavior he feels he can personally accept.
He says that he was not sure if he could move past this to continue the relationship. He asks if he is a jerk.
IT IS ABUSIVE
“You’re wife is a flaming jerk! I’m sorry that she has cancer, but what she did to your daughter was very abusive!
If she is unable to deal mentally with her disease and treatment, then she needs professional help, not to manipulate and coerce your daughter into making a choice that she didn’t want to make. Make no mistake, she ABUSED your daughter.
Honestly, cancer or no cancer, if I were in your shoes, I would seriously be considering divorce, if only to get your daughter to safety.”
THIS IS CRUEL
“Your wife’s illness is tragic, but not an excuse to emotionally blackmail and ignore your daughter’s body autonomy. Frankly, her behavior is very jealous and cruel.”
STAND BY YOUR DAUGHTER
“I hope your daughter moves out when she can. Your wife was so manipulative. She was absolutely horrible. Stand by your daughter.
Maybe get your wife into a support group. She sounds like she needs it desperately.”
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