Establishing clear financial boundaries in a relationship is essential, but if one partner starts to take the other for granted, it can lead to conflicts and disagreements.
A user asked, Am I wrong for using my wife’s fun budget to help out friends and family? We want to know what you think, and here is the full story for you:
Backstory:
The Original Poster (OP) is the sole breadwinner in the family. According to OP his wife had the more challenging job of being a stay-at-home mom and wrangling their offspring, and she worked hard to ensure they had everything they needed.
What About Their Budget
Their budget is pretty simple. They used to put away about 15% of OP’s monthly earnings, then paid all the bills. Whatever is left, they split it between both of them and could use their share however they want.
How Did OP Use His Share
OP liked to use his share to work on his hobbies or treat the family to a night out. OP pays for the babysitter and whatever activity they do that night. OP’s wife uses her share to go to a spa or to buy herself pretty things that made her happy.
Every once in a while, OP’s would ask if he could send money to her family. Not because her family is homeless or anything, but they earn less than OP’s family.
What Did The Wife Ask
Last November, OP’s wife asked if they could give her brother $500 for him to get his kids a PS5 for Christmas. OP told her they could, but it would be the last time he contributed money to give away to people who just asked her for it.
What Happened Next?
In January, one of her friend’s cars had a problem, and she needed to rent a car to run errands and drive her kids around. OP’s wife gave her money from her share of the savings.
What Did OP Say
When she told OP about it, OP said that he was proud of her for sticking to their agreement that any money she decided to give away would come from her share of fun money.
How Did She React
According to OP, she looked really sour and asked if OP was really not going to help her pay for her spa day with her friends. OP said yes because he had already spent his money on a new drone.
The wife asked if they could take money from their savings account to pay. OP clarified that the money was for emergencies and household expenses.
Related: She Made Her Daughter Miss Therapy To Clean Her Closet. We’re Shocked. Is This Even Fair?
OP’s wife was mad at OP for not helping her friend. OP pointed out that she could have kept her money and driven her friend around on errands to pick up her kids. The wife said that OP was being a jerk and slammed the door.
Not A Jerk
“Your wife cannot make unilateral financial decisions, especially if they aren’t for any of emergency, any more than you can”
Bad Communication, But Not A Jerk
“If she wants to give money away to friends and family without questions asked, it’s only logical that she uses her own money, the one she doesn’t have to answer anyone for.
She’s throwing a tantrum because she didn’t think you’d stick to the agreement. Let her.
However, this will snowball if you guys keep the bad communication going. You issuing an ultimatum and her throwing tantrums aren’t solving the problem. You need to have a calm and deep conversation about your views on money, expenses, and giveaways.”
You Don’t Have To Support That
“She wants to be Johnny big potatoes with her money that’s her business you don’t have to support that.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.